Feel ashamed of a fsntasy of mine.

Though i think of it often-- its not something i want to do but it gives me such pleasure fantasizing about it. At the moment im on a celibacy journey but i fantasize about me having sex with.2-3 men and them taking their turns and filling every hole and filling me up. Still its mothing i ever want to do ita just a fantasy. Sometimes i feel no one will ever choose me or marry and i just want ti throw away my celibacy. I have 2 byb2 so idk i feel a bit low.