13 weekstogo and he still is forcing me to adoption im so lost

I gotabout 3 months left this is our 4th baby. He acted the same way about the last 2 abort or adoption but I KEPT THEM. This was unplanned birth control keeps failing me. I almost died in September . Went to the hospital bc i was passing out and i was cramping sooo bad come to find out i was 6 weeks pregnant internally bleedingw 2L of blood in my pancreas they did emergency surgery and blood transfusions. its literally miracle im still alive And the first thing.

He said when I got home " Thank God you lost the baby but too bad you didn't die" long story short i got pregnant the month after. Fast forward to now im 27 weeks hes forcing me to adoption but in my heart i can not do that. I wont do that. Im starting to spiral into depression and starting to hate my life. Thats it Im sorry for the long post im just lost and broken. Let me also add that he loves our kids but didn't want them. When I bring up that he wanted me to abort them he literally crashes out