Struggling with body changes-Long read TW

I’m really struggling this pregnancy, this is my 3rd baby and I started this pregnancy at my highest weight of all my pregnancies. I was 108 when I got pregnant, I lost 10lbs and since then I’m now 112. I’m 20 weeks but I’m having such a hard time coping with the body changes. I just feel lumpy and bumpy and gross. I feel like I gained too fast gaining 12lbs in a matter of like 8 weeks. I eat pretty healthy with of course wanting treats a little more often than previously. I had an eating disorder when I was a young teen and I’m scared of my body changing so much it doesn’t go back to what I’m used to. With both my previous kids it didn’t even cross my mind so I have no idea why I’m so bothered now. I just feel bloated and lumpy but I know I don’t have a “big bump” but it’s like not a cute little bump either. How do you manage to cope with the changes other than just knowing it’s worth it in the end. I carried my 2 prior kids a little different my first didn’t pop till 24-26 weeks, my second I carried him very low but I didn’t have a lot of extra bloating mid tummy.