Ex offed himself

Im so upset at myself for feeling sad about my ex suicide, but i just can’t help it, i miss the good time we had when we first met the way he used to make me feel at first🤦🏽‍♀️I cry almost every night in i just can’t tell myself how i shouldn’t be so upset because he was a terrible person was rapping n abusing almost offed me twice..came very close… for the last month of the relationship till i told my parents i was 17 then he was 20 police got involved did a rape test took pictures of the males i still had on me..etc i dropped it cause it was stressful in i didn’t want to ruin his life but did get a protection order on him. A month or two later he would threaten me he kepted the picture and stuff he had of me in was sending them to people making my life hell. it went on for a year till i was over it cause nobody understood what he did nobody would hear me out, so i made a post one day about, it got so many views i didn’t expect that cause i only have 1000 some followers in usual get like 100-200 views/likes. I was told they was harassing  him an saying not terrible thing to him..etc dying that time i didn’t really care i felt it was deserved for what i went through but i deleted the post in told people to stop cause i wanted to be a better person in did what i did out on angre but i assumed they didn’t…he offed himself two weeks later it’s not been a few months in i feel terrible in so much remorse😞