is it valid for me to be worried? should my bf not go to this party to protect my conscience?

Question

my bf cheated on me by downloading a dating app while we were on a break when we both agreed we would not see anyone else and only see each other and would hop back to the relationship as soon as we were ready. he was texting the other girl while texting me a bunch of I love yous and hearts. he did not cheat on me sexually. he later confessed and said he wouldnt do it again. I tried to ignore, be patient and forgive but over time my feelings grew numb towards my bf and started having tiny crushes on other people. I told my boyfriend how I became numb (but didn't mention the mini crushes to not break his heart) in hopes to work things out and fix things, but instead he told me that he needed space. we ended up resolving that. the numbness has turned into full blown depression and anxiety. both myself and my bf were invited to one of his female best friend's parties (he had a mini crush on 10 years ago but claims that they are just friends now). because of my anxiety and how I got cheated on and how things are going with my bf and I, I chose not to go. but my bf still wants to go and it is giving me major anxiety. the last time I went to a party woth his friends, he seemed to not really hold my hand or anything to show that I was his, and was flirting with another girl and she seemed to be attracted to him back. I did not want to go through that again, but he keeps on saying he would never do that (just as he has said in the past that he would never cheat on me). I am having anxiety attacks every day, multipke times a day that we get closer and closer to the party date. he talked to his mom who knows that I have been cheated on and she encourages him to still go to that party even though I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of him going. I don't want to hold him back, bc that would be controlling, but I also don't feel comfortable and do not trust him. is it valid for me to be worried? should he not go to this party to protect my conscience?    I keep proposing to break up but he doesn't want to

Answer

You don't need his permission to break up. Just do it. This isn't a healthy relationship by any means. Downloading an app is not the same as actually seeing people and taking numerous breaks in a relationship doesn't bode well in general. You can't stay in a relationship and then still be panicking over crushes from a literal decade ago. This relationship is a mess.

Answer

You need to be single for awhile and work on yourself. 
You were broken up, not together. You can’t control where he goes or who he hangs out with friendship wise. He had a crush on this girl a decade ago you say. A lot of us had crushes in high school, doesn’t mean anything happened. Sounds like you are trying to manipulate him by saying “if you loved me you would___.” That’s not fair. I’m with his mom, sorry.

Answer

Yous need to break up, I don’t understand you keep saying he cheated but that is not cheating yous we’re not together, yes he overstepped boundaries but that’s not cheating on you, you say you don’t want too be controlling and stop him going but it sounds like your being very manipulative, you can’t throw a crush up from 10 years ago when you say yourself youv been doing it throughout your relationship….he should be able too go to whatever party he wants. I’m sorry but his mum is right.

Answer

It’s time for this relationship to be over. The two of you were broken up. Truthfully, it doesn’t matter what either of you said on a break because a break is a breakup- you weren’t together and can’t control one another while broken up. I don’t even see this as cheating. When the two of you reconciled whatever happened on the break should have stayed there not turned into this full blown mental health break down. You need to see a therapist and deal with this as it’s out of control.

Answer

Honestly, break up with this guy. He betrayed your trust to the point of depression and anxiety. I don't agree that you should be victim blamed for deep down wanting him not to go to that party. What he did was fucked up and who else wouldn't feel anxious after their SO texted another woman romantically. But I agree that you should let him to go hang out at that party as a SINGLE MAN

Answer

This is not a healthy relationship, and it’s time to end it. It also sounds like therapy for your anxiety would also be a good idea.

Answer

just break up

Answer

Break up and move on, permanently.

Answer

This dude is not it move on you deserve so much better and to be happy

Answer

He can’t tell you your not allowed to break up with him, that’s not how it works. Taking a breaking needs to be the first sign to break up. No one who truly loves someone and wants to be with them, willingly takes a break. Maybe get some space for a couple hours but no actual break.

is it valid for me to be worried? should my bf not go to this party to protect my conscience?

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