Resentment towards your partner?

Question

Have you felt resentment towards your partner after having your baby? What were your triggers? And after how long did it go away?

Answer

Here’s the thing. 
Resenting your partner isn’t normal. It may be PPD, but it may also be unfair split of domestic labor and parenting. 
For me, it was the ladder. I did 95% of the childcare, and 100% of the domestic labor. 
He literally went to work, came home and gave our kiddo a bath before bed. We didn’t work out because he was never willing to take care of our life together, our kid, etc. 
He wanted me to do all of it, by myself, no mater the cost to my mental health. 
If the resentment comes from PPD, it will likely stem from the changes your body went through, the changes to your friendships, etc. 
Both of you should be equally committed to your kiddo, not giving up more freedom than the other one. There should be fair parenting times, and fair alone times. If all of those things, you should discuss PPD with your doctor and in time, you may be able to work through the resentment.

Answer

I did but we had to communicate. I mean i was struggling so much mentally, i felt like i gained a baby and lost my partner. He got to eat his meals while hot, he got to shower every day, he got to sleep, i felt like his life hadnt changed the way mine had. I mean i had a baby on me 24-7. I was indenial about not being okay. Ive always been one to bottle things up, i mean not everyone really cares anyway. But i learnt that i really needed to talk to him about where my head was at, things were bothering me etc. Its not his fault. I had a very difficult baby who lost her mind if anyone other than i held her, got to the point she wouldnt let my partner feed her, settle her or put her to sleep, so that didnt help him, he felt like he failed and so he just left it to me. I didnt know where his head was at so i started resenting him because it felt like i was alone. Communication was key for us and are now in a better place. I wish you well lovely xx

Answer

I didn’t because my husband basically waited on me and baby hand and foot for the 6 weeks he was off work and has been a very hands-on involved dad ever since. I formula fed though which I think makes a huge difference in dividing tasks with a new baby too.

Answer

My husband was amazing but I still resented that his life seemed basically unchanged and mine felt flipped upside down. My body looked different while his was the same, I had to go through the pain of labor and the healing process and he got to poop/sleep/sit down normally while I couldn’t lol, I breastfed so he didn’t have to wake up at night, I stayed home all the time while he “got” to go to work, I had anxiety about leaving the baby and he didn’t seem to have any worry. I think it’s relatively normal, even with a helpful husband, having a newborn is rarely 50/50🤷🏻‍♀️ also with lack of sleep and hormones I didn’t/couldn’t see that he was also going through changes of parenthood as well-just differently than I was. 
It got better for me as the baby got older and life settled into a new normal, it helped to actually speak about how I was feeling to my husband so he didn’t feel attacked when I would randomly lash out about mundane things

Answer

My husband is very involved but still it’s not 50/50 bc it can’t be (breastfeeding etc) & I resent that sometimes for sure.

Answer

I would say it’s not that I resent my husband but that I resent the time he is away from home. He gets to leave for 12 hours a day 5 days a week and be away from the kids, I almost never get time away from them. But when he is home he cooks dinner about half the time, he spends time with the kids, he does bathtime and then we do bedtime together. Since my second was born 7 months ago I have left home alone 4 times, a 45 minute run to the pharmacy (20 min drive each way), going with my husband to the vet to put our dog down, a few hours for an oil change and a few errands, and an hour or two for a doctors appointment with a quick dollar tree stop. I know this is temporary and it will get better once my son is done nursing and my daughter starts school, it’s just a rough season of life.

Answer

i felt like my life changed and his didn’t change at all, i was jealous of him. it’s normal

Answer

My husband is amazing. During those newborn weeks he did as much as he possibly could. I didn’t have him wake with our children at night because I breastfed and there was no point, it was my decision. That didn’t mean I didn’t look at him snoring away and consider strangling him once or twice lol (joking). 
I did have a nagging irritation with him for basically feeling like my entire life changed and his did too, but not in the same way or to the same degree. While he was at work I was doing all the childcare on my own, and he came home to happy kids and got to snuggle and play. His routine didn’t change a ton but mine was nonexistent. Really it was extremely unhealthy for me and unfair to him because he realistically couldn’t do any more than he already was. It did fade out after a couple months and I made sure to talk with him about my feelings (as well as a therapist after my first because I had moderate PPD) he never held me accountable for anything negative I may have said but that doesn’t mean it was acceptable. Talking about your feelings and seeking help for them will be your best bet.

Answer

✨ this is called postpartum rage it’s part of post partum depression please talk to your doctorrrrrrr ✨

Resentment towards your partner?

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