I’m only writing this because I have no one to vent to.. and was kinda just wondering if anyone else has went through this?

First I want to say, I am SO thankful for my children (that includes my step child too) and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I love them all to pieces and wouldn’t want it any other way. I am truly happy with my life and my babies.

I just feel like I’m mourning a life that never was.

my husband has a son with another girl and I have a daughter with another guy. We got together when his son was 5 and my daughter was 2. We now have a one year old daughter together.

I will say.. I hoped so badly for a boy. I wanted to experience carrying a boy, buying boy baby clothes, experiencing all the stages of having a boy… and I know there’s more to having a child than just that stuff.

And yes, I love my (step) son as my own and I get to love and adore him… I just missed the first chunk of his life.

Fortunately we are trying for our last baby next year, but the more I think about it the more I get upset. Because I just know it will be another girl. And obviously I will be happy too if it’s a girl, but then I get the rest of my life to just wonder what it would’ve been like to have a boy.

I know this sounds so dumb, I honestly just wanted to rant because I’ve never been able to talk about this before without someone thinking I hate my daughters or look at my step son as a kid who’s not mine. Which is not and never will be the case. I just don’t know how else to explain it without coming off as complaining. I just need to know if someone else has ever felt like this?