I'm tired.

I remember this phase from the first time. Nearing a year with our second now and I feel the complete exhaustion.

Im a worse wife and friend and mother. I'm in complete survival mode and I push everyone away.

My only comfort is knowing, it gets better. It did last time and it will again. But it'll be a while.

The baby is everywhere. I miss the oldest. We have no daycare for the baby yet. I have to return to work after summer. I don't want to. It's full time and my husband's job just moved. I can't see how we're gonna make things work out. Or we could, if I was comfortable with leaving my baby in daycare from early morning to late afternoon. But I'm not. I want to be with her in her waking hours for crying out loud!

I'm stressed. I've neglected myself. I feel uncomfortable in most of my clothes as if they don't fit me anymore. And some of them just literally doesn't fit me anymore. I did grow and birth two humans after all.

I'm slowly falling apart.

But I've been here many times. I'll make it this time as well. Somehow. At some point. But right now everything just sucks. I don't even wanna go to bed which is saying a lot as sleeping is usually my coping strategy!

What a mess this is.

But I got stuff off my chest.

Thanks for listening 🙏