I can’t connect to my baby

I have my daughter a little over a month ago. I wasn’t really expecting it she was a bit of an oopsie. The dad wasn’t a good guy and isn’t involved. I’ve had help from my roommate but other than that it’s just me and her.

During my pregnancy I never really felt that gush of emotions everyone talks about. Even when she was first moving and everything I never got that whole gush of love. It was more like oh my this this is real and it’s happening.

When she was born I was more kind of numb. I was never good with babies it’s never been my thing. My roommate however really loved her and was a natural at it. She does work in childcare while I’ve never baby sat my entire life so maybe that’s why. I just thought it would eventually come to me but it’s not.

My roommate is worried about me she says that it’s not just not connecting and that I’m dissociating that I’m not myself. I just daydream a little and feel a bit down it’s probably just baby blues. I just feel like sometimes she would just be better off with my roommate and just intrusive thoughts. I know it’s bad to think them but I would never do that.

I just think I’m slightly overwhelmed