Lying boyfriend. Do I forgive him?

Hello! Feels dumb to even ask anybody what they think because I already feel in my heart of hearts what I have to do, it’s just a bit hard because letting go of any relationship is like mourning the loss of a best friend. My boyfriend works out of town, he is working out of town to make a lot of money fast. 3 on 1 off. It was his idea, k could be content and happy with a man making way less, as long as he’s home. I’m at home working 2 jobs doing my thing, work dog walk gym etc. come to find out he’s up there partying and doing lots of blow. He’s lied to me twice now, cause I have caught him twice. He says it’s not a problem but I think that when you have 6 bags in your side table, 3 in your wallet and sending your girlfriend pictures accidentally of the shit on your side table, you have a problem. Now obviously when you addicted you’re going to be embarrassed and when you made your gf a promise you’re going to try to backtrack. I get it. I used to get stoned and lie to my mom. I was adamant I was not stoned lol. But my mind also goes to how do I know he wasn’t cheating on me up there. Trust is the biggest thing in a relationship and I gave him chance after chance to come clean. Even said I wouldn’t be mad. He’s tried to say I can see his finances, cause I did and I have to say for the money is he making up there and his expenses(I also help pay and pay for myself) it’s not adding up to what should be in his bank. If this is the reason he’s doing it then stop putting it up your nose! He’s doing lines on his side table ffs. I get lying, sometimes. White lies. I would get stoned as a teen and come home and my mom would ask me if I was high, it was clear I was but adamantly denied it. Cause I was embarrassed and I didn’t want to disappoint her. Maybe it’s the same for him?

I love the guy. He’s the most comfortable I’ve been with. The most attentive. I got sick on our trip and he rubbed my back for 30 minutes before I fell asleep. We have a great time when we’re together. The week I see him he’s not agitated or has any symptoms of a coke head. The lying is huge and I don’t know if I could get past it now, since it’s been twice and what else has he lied about. I’m just so torn cause he was my best friend. I know there will be more but ladies, have you been in todays dating world? It’s horrendous! The last guy I had before this one had a fiancé and was living a double life. I don’t want to settle but I know what’s out there and it’s scary. I also really don’t want to lose him. But the disrespect behind his lies are so unbelievable and it makes me so angry. If you’re caught just come clean. Don’t spin a web. Thanks for reading my long ass story. I know most will say leave his ass he’s a druggie liar and he’s that’s true, and he’s not my project and I shouldn’t tolerate being lied to. And I dont. I just don’t want to lose him. And before I get roasted about the 20g, if you’re taking home 14g a month with no kids no mortgage no nothing, and all you have saved up is 20g. There is something up. I have a lot more expenses and make a lot less, and I have quite a bit more saved up than him. The plan was, house and kids and he’s not taking it seriously by the looks of it. Also, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to set a boundary of no cocaine. Smoke your joints drink your beer do mushrooms for all I care. But cocaine? No!

Found out in March when he sent me a pic and his side table had cocaine and a card and a rolled up $5. Came up with so many stories. Forgave him cause we had a non refundable trip planned. Fast forward to costing him last weekend and the peso is rolled. No way someone is rolling up a peso to do a line of blow they don’t have. The stories just get me!!! I was also never confused, I knew full we’ll what they were. I was just trying to play with him, to come clean.