I hate myself…

The tests get darker and the guy panics… me debating if I can go through this again… the abortion part… had one when I was a teenager, surgical, rips me apart to this day and it was a decade ago…

Once with the pills and I bled for two months straight and…

I’ve also had losses out of my control. But it hurts more when it’s my choice… I didn’t intend to get pregnant.

I didn’t intend to get an abortion if I did…

But I can’t have this baby… 😞

Every time I’ve done this I go through months and months of just being a shell of who I was… too sad to even cry I just sit here blankly staring at the floor…

Every pregnancy I’ve had is very difficult with the HG.. the last one was so bad, anemia wise I had to get blood transfusions and iron infusions… I just can’t go through this with such little support…

The guy kind of.. said some things that ruined my trust for him. And… my family lives about 1000 miles away..

Just typing my thoughts as they come to this.. thanks for being my diary, Glow.

I’m mentally fried 😔 to anyone out there going through something similar… I want to say “hang in there” but I’m equally… not capable of “hanging in there” 😣

I’ve gotten through this before I just… it’s hard right now.

Thanks for reading.