Sexless relationship because of one dodgey text?

I recently decided to separate from my long term partner.

4.5 years ago he abruptly pulled away from me sexually and emotionally. His behaviour changed from the man I knew before.

It has been an ENTIRE year since we had sex. Before that it was once or twice a year.

He refused to tell me the reason why for over 4 years, or get any help.

It DROVE ME CRAZY questioning if something was wrong with me, if he was gay, if this is what the end of the honeymoon period looks like etc etc.

Anyway, he finally revealed it’s because he felt such shame over a text message he sent another woman 4.5 years ago. I knew about it at the time and decided to forgive and move on (we had only been living together in our dream new home 4 weeks at this time).

He basically asked for a massage with a wink, to someone he was going to lodge with while working away from home for a year (FYI he never went through with lodging with her after I found the texts).

Seems like a small crime for such a dramatic reaction???

Can shame over something so small really snowball this big in someone’s mind? If it really was just that text.

Or do you think there is likely a bigger truth?? Such as having had sex with someone else.

Looking back, I see other red flags. For example, he never leaves me near his phone- he takes it to the toilet with him, won’t let me touch it to see the time, will text me from his phone to show me something instead of turning the screen to me.