I’m a married woman and me and my husband are losing our flame. Our marriage started of steamy. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other and I was his everything. The way he would look at me would just melt everything In me. Our first kid(2015)he was soo into being a dad and a husband. He didn’t want me working he wanted me to be at home with the baby which I agreed cause I wanted to be home and take a break from society. Things were goin good. We bought a house moved in and was doing the normal american family ways. In 2019 I found out I was pregnant again with our second son and it just felt different. He wanted to Nick pick at everything and it just felt like I was alone. The adoring and doing everything together was non existing and I just couldn’t figure out why. My entire pregnancy I was home figuring what I could do to save my marriage. He insisted it was all in my head and it was just my hormones but I sat at baby appointments and preparing for our son arrival alone. His club brothers got way more of him then we did at home and I was just a sitting duck home. He didn’t even hold my hand when I gave birth he sat on his phone until it was time for me to push. I felt like he was holding against me having a second baby at on point. He seemed so excited at first but nope I got a cold shoulder and a second baby. My oldest daughter which I had from a previous relationship would take the babies to give us space but I noticed either he would leave with his friends or he would be home sleep. Just nothing I could say or do could get him to see my questioning. I decided to stop overthinking it and focus on myself. I decided to come out of stay at home mom mode and get back to working so I could keep busy. He was sooo against it. We actually argued over it a few times. Was this new club and friends turning my husband against me? I sure felt it. So I decided to do online schooling instead. Get my high school diploma so I can actually get a career later. That was what he accepted. So I did I got enrolled and did my school work at my own pace. Few years later 2021 I found out I was pregnant again. This pregnancy I was more mad at myself cause I knew it was bad timing we were actually starting to get along again and I was starting to think it was gonna go back to normal. When I told him I was pregnant he didn’t really have excitement or disapproval he just said he already knew and I just looked at him with a blank stare. Have I really lost him? As it was time to reveal the sex of our baby and found out we were having a girl this time he seemed happy but yet I was left alone preparing for her yet again. At this point I was just focusing on my daughter arrival. I ended up having a cyst on my ovary and it was just painful to walk I also had preeclampsia so I needed my partner. His excuse was he was workin but went out every weekend. A few of my friends were coming to the house to help with me and the kids. After the baby shower and I was preparing to go in is when he started to pay attention to my needs. I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl. She had blue eyes and light Carmel skin she was perfect. He loved her instantly. I was hoping that would be the push to get our marriage on track. He was there for the kids but when it came to my I’m just a titled wife at home. Nothing would make him love me like he use to and as our daughter turned 6 months I decided I had to get out and find myself again. I found a job and actually loved it. He would complain of me workin and I didn’t even care I was just happy to be out of just sitting home. I finished school with honors and I celebrated at a bar alone. This was my new normal, but I was happy to be active in life. He joined a new club and he invited me to travel with him. I was seeing new places and meeting new people I was actually starting to believe change was coming. Boy was I wrong to me he got meaner. I was paying for his trips, no sex and always arguing. At this point in offered a divorce. I was giving up and I just felt it would relieve me. We actually split for 3 weeks but he came home and said divorce was not a option so I decided to give it another chance. We were doing little date nights to rekindle. Don’t worry no more babies from me I got my tubes removed! One night we were at a friend’s house. Her man was in the club too. She is 9 months pregnant so we enjoyed each other company. We had a little bbq cause they had a club guy from a different state come up. He was sooo freakin hot!! But he was a complete gentleman. Married with 3 kids of his own. We were all just drinkin and having a blast. I cooked the meats and made sure everyone was fed. 10 pm was here before we knew it and it was time for my husband to go to work. He actually told me to stay and have fun. So I did. Went to one bar and return back to our friend’s house. On the way to the bar I decided to let a friend take my bike for a spin and I rode on the back of H I’ll call him. That bike ride was confusing but it felt good. He kept taping my hands and leg to assure my safety and I was on cloud nine. I was drunk. I even caught it myself. I wanted to get home so my husband wouldn’t be mad but I couldn’t even pronounce my motorcycle right. H told me to get on the couch and sleep it off he wasn’t letting me ride home and of course my stubbornness argued I was fine. He grabbed me up and walked me to the couch and told me he doesn’t want a call that I crashed on his watch so I just gave in. As the people that lived there all turned in, and H was on the opposite couch across from me he was snoring so I just knew his ass was sleep. I popped up and try to sneaky grab my shoes and head to the door he popped up and said couch. I was caught. I couldn’t even argue it. I appreciate him looking out for me. So I just got back on the couch. We got to talkin and just telling stories about our past and our current life. He was a complete gentleman. But he told me his past he was a complete party boy and he misses it. His wife was to sweet and laid back and I told him my situation with my hubby which he was in shock. We both had a last drink just laughing and joking around quietly cause we didn’t want to wake the others. It just felt so good to have attention on me again. After we finished our last beer he looked over at me and just smiled. He was like I sometimes long to be a bad boy again I miss it. I was like yea those days we got to feel like we lived. He agreed. I didn’t expect him to reach over and kiss me. My inside were going off like fireworks at a 4 of July party. I knew it was wrong but it felt sooo good. We kissed more and more then I stopped and told him to be a good boy. I smiled and watch him return over to the other couch but he just kept smiling at me and I was ready to rip his clothes off and you know.. but I just admire his smile m. He said he might be coming in wrong but he felt I was flirting and he liked it. I simply just thought he was just assuring my safety but I just couldn’t resist him. I missed the feeling of being wanted as he stepped back over to me and got in my face he said whispering what happens if we both were bad for one night and we keep it between us. I don’t wanna come off as easy but I sure gave in. I loved kissing him and we did other stuff. It all felt so good. I wanted it all and for that good two hours all I saw was happiness. After all was done he kissed me good night and I sat and watch him out his clothes over those nice ass muscles and return to the couch. We both fell asleep. I woke up to his phone going off and it was my husband at 8 am. I thought he was goin to be upset. He wasn’t he just told me to get coffee and let me know he came and took my motorcycle home and left the car keys in the mail box so I can drive home once I came to. What have I done??? I was so quiet and still smiling. Me and H had coffee together as everyone was starting to wake up as well. We looked at each other and said pinky swear our secret for life even shocked on it . All I could think about is doing it all over again. My hubby showed up on his bike and said we are gonna join him at riding him to the freeway back. I’m like what if I smell like him? I was terrified. But the ride the wind in my hair I needed it from the hangover taking over. The entire ride I just could t stop thinkin about what just happened. I felt good and I also felt guilty. We stopped at a gas station and he gave me the biggest hug and told me thank u for a good weekend and I told him my pleasure. Off he went. I haven’t stop thinkin about him since. Am I wrong? Should I tell my hubby or do I take this secret to the grave. I’m soo confused but it felt sooo good