So I’ve been with my husband since we were 15, both 22 now, and our sex life has been declining as of here lately. I will admit it’s on my part because I just don’t feel the urge anymore and then when I do, or plan something to try and add the sex life back it just goes down the drain. I’ve told him that now that I’m older, there are things I want to do, will do, and absolutely will not do. I’ve said these multiple times and it’s like he takes them serious for a good week and then chooses to forget everything. Whether on purpose or not, I do not know. Here’s what I said:

1. To not skip foreplay, and to understand that just going down isn’t foreplay and never will be. My sex dreams are better than that, my books are also WAY better than just oral.

2. For him to be more vocal in bed, I noticed that him being vocal and expressing how it feels makes it feel better for me as well.

3. That rough sex is okay but not all the time. I would love to just go slow sometimes with us just admiring one another while still fucking out each other’s brains.

4. How to choke properly. I like to be choked, when done correctly and it’s like he forgot how because instead of choking the sides like you’re supposed to, I just get my windpipe crushed.

5. For him to try and understand my kinks better. I have a lot and I’ve never been able to actually try any of them because he refuses to understand or even listen to me when I talk about them.

Now back onto the point. These are the main 5 points I’ve been trying to get across since we were like 17-18 and like I said, he’ll listen to the first three for like a week, or three at most but then go back to doing whatever he wants. Now I just don’t ever feel comfortable or ever feel like having sex because of it. Well that and because he always expects it and touches me inappropriately even when I ask him not too, and if he doesn’t get it, throws a fit, watches porn, then tries again or just ignores me. I will say from writing this, the last time we did have sex was….maybe a month ago. But any tips? How do I get this across and make it stick? My sister told me that we should see a sex therapist or a couples counselor. Thoughts?