Trauma bond…

I’ve been with a narcissistic man for the last 8 years we have 2 kids together our youngest is 7 weeks old. We recently broke up and everyone is being so judgmental that I want him back. No one understands what it’s like to have a trauma bond with someone you love unless you’re in the situation. This man has never put his hands on me, but he has sadly cheated on me before. I don’t understand why I want him back so bad. I literally feel like I’m going through withdrawal without him. I’m sick, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t stop crying. I’m hurting so much. I know deep down I shouldn’t be with him but I just love him so much it’s disgusting.