Background info:

- 21 year old female

- T2 diabetic, anxiety, depression, and GERD

- takes 8 pills a day and

- Ozempic weekly

- on the depo shot

So lam a housewife and a full time online college student. My husband (21) and I got married in December so we've been married 7 months. He's quite large (7 inches) and very girthy.

We waited for marriage so we gave each other our virginities.

Sex was difficult at first and then it became fun after about 2 weeks. However about 3 months ago, we started having sex without condoms and he would finish inside me. I started getting yeast infections and pain in my abdomen when we would have sex after about 2 weeks of this. I have had two

gynecologist appointments and

3 yeast infections in total.

Inserting the vaginal creams and trying boric acid suppositories and taking fluconazole in addition to my daily medication was so much mentally. I also visited his family twice during the east infections so that was mentally draining. I have now associated sex with pain and trauma and I get terrified whenever I think about it.

Its important to mention that I have been sexually assaulted by my ex. He would touch me inappropriately all the time without my consent. He shoved his finger inside me after pushing me against a wall when I was 15 which is as far as he ever went with me. My brain has blocked most memories out, but always knew that because I didn't learn how to cope with had happened to me, that my body would have an issue with having sex and have trauma responses. I can't identify if this is a trauma response though because my husband has been nothing but sweet, patient, and understanding.

I don't get aroused anymore and sex doesn't even cross my mind, but my husband wants sex. He is 100% healthy. I get tired after two flights of stairs and my Illnesses make my joints and bones ache. He could probably climb Mount Everest if he really wanted to. He's made it very clear that he's willing to wait but we have sex maybe once a month now and he hasn't even finished because I can't take the movement. We do have oral sex still about once a week and frequent kissing, but I know he wants more and I want to want more like I used to.

I have such a mental block and I don't know how to get over it.

How can I overcome my fear when I know pain is inevitable because of his size? How can I enjoy sex fully when I'm scared of another yeast infection? How can we try to conceive in a few months if my doctor's answer to my yeast infections was to wear condoms? 1am so distraught. I have no friends so I have no one to talk to about this.

Please help me, whether it's praying for me or sending me an article or sharing your experiences with low libido. I would appreciate anything, thank you.