What to do when your kids don't want to bond with you anymore

Question

My kids are teens and it makes me sad that they don't want to spend time with me anymore. I asked my daughter if she wanted to go for lunch but she said no she has a date. My son idek if I should ask him anything anymore. The last time I asked if he wanted to do something with me was spring break. I actually made a post about that people found funny but I went into my emo child's room(Dumb ways to die!) And simply asked him if he wanted to go shopping for clothes and I guess he took that like I was trying to get him to change his style or something because his style is a sad little emo( I don't mean that in a mean way that's just his look). This gif sums up his reaction if you remember my post

All I asked was if he wanted to go clothes shopping. Nothing about changing his style. His entire door has different keep out signs and he never seems to want to bond with me. Neither of my kids do. I know it's part of growing up but I just wish we could be close

Answer

Ask them and don’t stop. Text, ask about their lives, show interest and listen. My kids are all older and we spend time together, talk a lot and genuinely enjoy each others company. My oldest is 20, we talk every morning about whatever is going on in each others lives. My younger two are 17. They watch movies with us, take camping and hiking trips, have daily conversations, etc. 
Keep trying.

Answer

I had a weekly standing date with my son all through his tween & teen years. We went out to dinner at a new place every Tuesday night and we alternated who chose the restaurant. It gave us a moment in the week to catch up. Sometimes he didn’t want to go and we’d barely talk, but we always did it. My son is 21 now and has been moved out for 2 years but we still have dinner once a week to touch base

Answer

Usually with teens it's difficult to pinpoint their communication style. But a safe start is plan an activity that lasts no more than 2 hours including driving time, alert the teen in advance, and make sure it's something they'd like (pick emo clothing store, pick their favored cuisine for food, help your daughter pick out a new outfit for a  future date w her bf, etc). Always go in with the thought of listen and don't give advice. Many teens just want to be heard and not lectured on how to handle situations. Just listen and validate. End the date with saying you appreciate the effort and highlight something they did or said that made you feel good. They come off as distant but they're processing the world in a drastically different way than they used to or will later on. This is all advice my therapist has given me and it's working. She has worked with teenagers for over a decade in different capacities. My kids are very different from each other but this approach is working on both.

Answer

My kids are still in the little stage, but I do remember being in this stage with my own mom. One thing I’d say you could do that would help is to plan things in advance instead of asking the day of. My mom always liked to ask the day of (and still does after multiple conversations about it) and then get in her feelings when I don’t have the energy that day or already have plans.

Answer

Idk if this is great advice but my mom used to just "kidnap" me and my sister. We never knew when it would happen but she'd take us to a doctor appointment or something we had to do and then afterwards not tell us where we were going but we'd have to spend the whole day with her because she'd refuse to take us home lol. She said we always had other things to do and she was sick of not spending time with her kids so she'd kidnap us if she had to. I hated that we'd always end up having fun against our wills. She still occasionally does this if we let her drive us somewhere and I'm in my 30s with my own kid.

What to do when your kids don't want to bond with you anymore

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