Who would you rather have with you at the hospital?

Question

I wanted my husband to stay with me first 2 days and mainly at night after delivery at the hospital. But he says he will need to rest and may be only stay 1 day with me. And as he will rejoin work so he will be tired and would need rest. My hospital stay is max going to be 3days (for vag birth)- 5 (fir c section)days depending on type of delivery as per my OB Gyn. My husband wants his mother, my MIL to stay. I was not prepared for this because I want privacy and at my most vulnerable time I thought my husband would be the more comfortable option or my sister. This is really breaking my heart as the presence and support which m craving from my husband am really not getting. My husband and I are well off and he really doesn't need to work. He is eligible for 5 days paternity leave and have a lot of paid vacation days. Only issue is their department and his HoD who creates trouble for everyone who ever takes leave for whatever reason. I just want him to be there for atleast first 2 nights. And then after coming home may be 1week. I just want to know your experience. Who did you have with you at the first 2 days of hospital stay and who would have been an alternative? Am I overthinking?

Answer

I'm not sure where you live, but where I am if there are no complications, you go home after about 24 hours with a vaginal delivery and 48 hours for a c-section. I had a vaginal delivery at 8 at night and my husband stayed at the hospital with me until we went home the next afternoon. Unless you guys are in dire straits for money, I don't understand why you're husband wouldn't take time off for the birth of his child and to make sure you're okay. If for some reason he had been unable to stay, I probably would've opted to be alone or I possibly would've called one of my friends. My husband has a big family and any of them would've stayed if i'd asked, but at the time, I probably wouldn't have been comfortable. But the nurses are there and they check up on you pretty consistently. If you don't want your MIL to be there, then don't have her there. This is going to be your time with your baby and to start recovering, you need to be with someone who you feel comfortable with. I'm sorry your husband isn't going to be there to support you, that's honestly really crappy. Best wishes on a safe delivery and speedy recovery.

Answer

My partner was with me the whole time. I would never allow my mil to be there (and I do adore her). If my partner absolutely could not be there, it would be my mom or nobody. But that would never happen because my SO prioritizes my well-being and his own participation in our little family.

Answer

I've never heard of a hospital that didn't completely private labor rooms and recovery rooms for mothers, with a place for dad to sleep as well, so some of these comments are mind blowing for me. For my vaginal deliveries I stayed 24 hours after birth then was allowed to leave. My husband stayed.with me the entire time and only left my side to get me extra food. He took 7 weeks off with our oldest and 8 weeks with our youngest. We plans to take a full 12 weeks off for this baby. He will be the only one with me and will not leave unless an emergency happens with one of our toddlers and he needs to go check on them.

Answer

I will not be having anyone but my husband. The birth of our baby is far more important than work. I know that not everyone is in the same position to be able to do that but that is our plan. He will be taking 2 weeks off. As for your support person in his place, that should 100% be your decision, not his. He doesn’t get that choice if he is not going to be there. That should be up to you. If you prefer your sister, have it be your sister. This is the time where you need to prioritize yourself.

Answer

Where I live you don’t get anyone to stay in the hospital with you, you’re in a room with 1-5 other women with newborns (depending on the hospital). But if it was an option to have someone it would definitely have to be my partner for me. It’s pretty selfish to leave you by yourself in the hospital with a newborn and offering just his own mom to help because he ‘needs to rest’ tbh. If he absolutely refuses to be there you should pick your own person

Answer

So my husband never stayed overnight except with our first, but only because I was pushing overnight. He then went to the other hospital with our first due to him needing the NICU. He worked his normal schedule and would visit in the evenings. I had other visitors but no one stayed with me. My husband stayed our last night with baby and I, went to work in the morning and my mom came down till my husband got off work. Then we were discharged.
My second was during COVID so only visitor was my husband. He was with me for the birth and throughout the first day (c-section), then went home and went to work the next day. He came and visited in the evenings.
Main reason we do it this way is because my husband only takes a week off work because he has to use vacation time. I need him more during that first week home than at the hospital.
If you’re uncomfortable with your MIL being there, speak up. I wouldn’t want my MIL staying with me overnight, but sometimes having that help is really nice. I also wouldn’t force your husband to stay, but that’s a conversation you need to have and come to an agreement.

Answer

I’d put my foot down and ask him to take his paternity leave. He will likely regret not doing so once he sees the baby too.

Answer

My husband stayed overnight at the hosptial wiith my first. I delivered in the middle of the night the first night and he just decided to stay the second night before being discharged the next day. I was there about 36-40 hours total.
With my second he went home at night to be with our first child and i was by myself. I was in the hospital longer the second time (4 days) due to blood pressure issues.

Answer

I only had my man for our entire time. 4 days total. No one else was in the hospital.

Answer

My husband stayed with me. When we had our second though, our 1st was only 17m old and he would take him home for the night to sleep then wake up and bring him to the hospital and stay the day. I had c-sections for my 2nd 3rd &4th so I had to stay 48 hours. So it was rough getting up and being alone during the night but we did what we had to do. Then when my 4th was born covid was going on and my husband if he wanted to be there had to stay and not able to leave. So my sister watched my other 3 for a few days and my husband was with me again. Your husband should be with you during that time. I wouldn't have been comfortable with my MIL. Mine is nice and she's helpful but like you said it's a vulnerable time.

Who would you rather have with you at the hospital?

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