Relationship Trouble

TW: SA/ABUSE Hi, im in my first relationship since my long term relationship ended 3 years ago. My ex was emotionally and sexually abusive and it has screwed me up good and proper, I never thought I could or would love again but ive completely fallen for a guy and braved the first steps in a relationship. Hes truly perfect, so patient and lovely and cute however, I can feel myself being so toxic! I cant help getting irritable and defensive over some really small things and have been really hard on him about it. He understands and is respectful and loving but I hate myself for it and I know its a defense mechanism but it needs to stop! I got so overwhelmed and irritated over the smallest thing the other day and turned on myself by telling him to dump me and save himself. Does it get better? Im starting to think im not ever going to be fit for love ever again and im going to be like this forever and I cant keep putting him through this, I dont want to make him feel as bad as I do. He deserves so much happiness and he makes me so happy and content but then once we arent physically with each other anymore I crumble and ruin it all - help?