I don’t think this is “normal…”

My husband and I are going on 9 years of marriage. We have 4 kids together. The first 4 years were total bliss. Everything was perfect. I don’t know what happened on that 5th year, but everything started to decline and now I have reached the point in this marriage that I honestly just don’t care anymore and I have no interest in staying or making anything work.

I am not saying I am perfect and he is not and let’s point out all of his faults, but I do want to explain how I got to this point.

Around the 5th year he started leaving jobs around 6 weeks-90 days marks. This was also the time we discussed getting things in order to buy a bigger home (we own the one we have now.) He would tell me to my face that yes he wanted a bigger and nicer one as well (ours is a bit old) but then would do things to sabotage it. Like job quitting, not repaying loans so it hit his credit, etc. he would say he just isn’t happy doing this or that. I offered to switch to full time at my own job, go over our budget and cut out things for myself that I could live without, so that we could afford tuition for him to go to school if he wanted, because he mentioned he’d like to. I picked up hours, cut out streaming we didn’t need, budgeted food, cut out my nail salon and hair visits, basically anything I could do to help him get to where he actually was happy with a job. He never did go thru with schooling so at that point I’m working full time, coming home to cook, do laundry, do homework with kids, etc. annnnd he was playing video games.

Well, now is okay with job, but things at home aren’t. He works full time (for now until he quits again…) I work part time. I’m off in time to get kids off the school bus. Anyway, I do thoroughly believe that since he’s working full time, he shouldn’t have to do much of anything at home. BUT, the things I do ask, are not that big of a deal, minor contributions really, and he will eye roll,, huff at me, or flat out ignore me. He will text me while he’s gone that he loves us all so much and he’s sooo happy but when he comes home he snaps at me, does nothing at all but sits there, glares at me, rolls his eyes at me.

For instance I will have the baby on my hip, trying to cook dinner or make plates, while one is hollering they need a towel from the shower, or the dog is digging into the damn trash can, or the groceries will be delivered at the door while I’m nursing baby and really can’t jump up at that moment, anyway he just won’t freaking help! I’m not asking for him to do everything. But if someone is at the door w groceries and I’m clearly trying to nurse the baby (9 months) like can you not answer it? Can you not pick up the trash can your dog knocked over? Can you not hold the baby while I make the others plates? Like my god I’m really not asking for anything major. The other evening was embarrassing. The grocery people knocked on the door and he was invested in a video game so I answered with the baby on my hip, the toddler on my leg and I’m trying to grab all of this with one hand and he just stands there. I just feel sooooo disrespected like I’m not worth the extra hand or something. Or if I say hey will you run this trash out while I change the baby? Or will you change the baby while I switch your work clothes into the dryer? God at this point I can do everything (seriously) one handed but I don’t think I should HAVE TO!! I’m sorry it just frustrated me to no end. I don’t think this is right. I work too, but I still take care of things at home. He can’t even HOLD the baby. And at our sons football practice one of the moms messaged me after and said “I hope I didn’t offend you by offering to hold your baby. I noticed (husband name) wouldn’t get him and you already had your hands full.” Like shit even other people are noticing this. I just really don’t care anymore. And yes I’ve talked to him about it and he will shrug his shoulders or flat out ignore me and go back to playing on his phone. But then text me the next morning at work apologizing and saying exactly what I want to hear. “Oh I’ll help more I’m sorry “ “I love you and never want to be without you guys you’re my world” like fckn show it then 🙄 I really just wish he would leave until he grows up…