Some backstory: my brother & I were raised by my dad alone. My mom had decided to live her own life when we were very young, I think I was MAYBE 2 & my brother is only 11 months older than I am. My parents were young, my dad was only 22 when I was born, my mom 20. Anyway, she left, not to have a “better life” but she partied, did drugs, was homeless, & who knows what else. She randomly show up causing chaos but her intentions were to just see her children, to visit us. But of course that wasn’t allowed considering she was a mess. We were allowed to visit my maternal grandparents though & on some occasions, my mom would show up.. sometimes chaotically, sometimes she seemed better. I remember a few instances where she took us (I don’t know how it was allowed, probably my grandparents because it was against my dads rules & probably court issued) but anyway I remember feeling scared & around RANDOM people, I’m talking sketchy people.

So our childhood was a little rough & we were hurt/confused. As we got older we started to realize what was going on. Around 13, we started seeing a change in her. She cleaned up, met a guy (a good guy), started school, got a job, & they had an apartment together.

When I was about 17, my moms fiancé got diagnosed with cancer. He battled this for a few years until he eventually passed away. This broke my heart as I loved him so much.

Fast forward to me being 19, I met my now husband, got pregnant the next year, got our own place & lived life.

When I was 20 my mom decided to leave her fiancé. I think she felt stuck, kinda like when she had children.. when we were younger. Like she wanted freedom. I think this because after she left her fiancé she started going out a lot, drinking a lot, dated some sketchy guys (one who beat her numerous times, not just with his hands, she also got multiple DUIs with this guy).

After she left this horrible guy & moved out of his parents house (he lived with his parents, so she moved in with them) she moved in with her parents. She then met another guys who was just as sketchy (he’s now in prison & she’s still “married” to him. I use quotations because she lies a lot & admitted to my aunt that they never really got married, but she still tells me that they did). Anyway, she burned bridges with my grandparents, moved out of their house & then moved in with my aunt, her oldest sister. Then, she burned bridges with my aunt & here comes the question that I’ve been leading up to. She texted me asking me to move in with me, my husband & my 2 kids. She said she has nowhere to go & has been staying in a motel but it’s getting too expensive. I don’t want this. My husband doesn’t want this. I don’t think it’ll be healthy for my family, I don’t want to be associated with anyone or anything sketchy. However, she is my mom & I feel extremely guilty & responsible to an extent. I just don’t know what to say to her.

I get a lot of crap for being sensitive & “too scared” to tell my feelings. I’ll admit, I hate confrontation, I hate the thought of hurting peoples feelings. I guess I’m a people pleaser. I stress myself out & deal with the pain instead of telling people when something is bothering me.

Additional information: My brother cut off all contact with her about 2 years ago, she’s never met his daughter who is now 3 years old because my brother won’t allow it. She’s burned bridges with numerous people in our family, others who weren’t mentioned in my backstory. She seems to be a compulsive liar. I don’t know what she spends all her money on because she seems to always be broke but has (to my knowledge) no responsibilities. She has a job but has never had anything to show for it. Her car got repossessed. She was constantly borrowing money from people & would never repay them. & she’s still married to this man who is in prison who I’ve never met. She isn’t in my kids lives much, she’ll buy them stuff but she’s not a typical grandma. My stepmom is grandma to them. They used to refer to my mom as “your mom” they’ve learned now that she’s grandma but it’s different than grandma grandma (my stepmom). My son even says “I like how she buys us stuff”.

If you’ve made it to the end, thank you💗

It felt good to vent, I guess I need a diary lol or therapy 🥲