I can't do this

My child is diagnosed autistic. When I was pregnant I was so afraid she would be born with a physical disability because I'm not cut out for that. I'm also definitely not cut out for AUTISM. It's not the quiet, line up toys, special interest type. It's screaming and fist fights and never eating anything type. I mean she does line up toys constantly and it's time consuming. If that line isn't perfect or I rush her she screams. If I touch her she screams or hits or bites. If I don't understand her she'll rain down her hell fury. I have no idea what I'm doing and to be honest I hate almost every second of it. Those few times she acts like a typical child and shows love or forms a partial sentence it ain't enough. I'm not seeing the "It's so rewarding" f them kids man I can't do this. I'm so lost and tired. I don't think I'm capable of being the parent of a special needs child.