Feeling defeated

I just needed to write my feelings down...

My husband and I have been ttc for 14 months. I am 41 and have older children. In the past, we had NO issues getting pregnant. It was actually a family joke how quickly we got preggers. This month, I finally thought it happened. I had no spotting days before my expected AF (which I always get 3-4 days prior to AF) and then on day 30, i wiped and have pink tinged CM. I have a 31 day cycle. I cant believe it. I feel so sad, angry at myself for believing it might have been, confused and then relieved bc No more Peeing on a stick and praying

Just felt better sharing my moment with women that can relate. Best of luck to everyone.

Baby dust ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨