Don’t want sex ☹️ help wanted!

I’ve had sex with my husband maybe 8 times this year and it’s October. I think we has sex in July or August once and that was the last time.

I am 28 years of age and married. I’m young! I’m healthy for the most part. I don’t want to have sex with my husband and I feel so bad. I WANT to want to. I truly do. I tried to explain it to him but I know it doesn’t make sense. If you want to have sex, just do it. Right? But I DON’T want to. I’d rather count grains of sand in the beach 😭. But I do wish I had that desire and that we had great sex often. When we do have sex it is not enjoyable for me it either hurts to the point of tears OR we use lots of lube and I completely dissociate-like I check alll the way out. And if I manage to stay in the moment, I am never really relaxed because my mind is running like a hamster on a wheel. It’s as if my brain doesn’t want me to be in the moment and I try 😭 I try really hard mentally to get into it. Hubby and I used to have sex. It was more frequent before our marriage and we have only been married 3 years.

At first I was sure it was trauma related and we also had some SERIOUS issues in marriage early on. But I went to therapy (was diagnosed with PTSD, Major depressive disorder with anxiety), I got on medication. We went to couples counseling. Medication helped for a while then destroyed my libido. Now I’m off medication and doing well and my libido is coming back to normal just a bit. By that I mean, I am now capable of feeling horny. Though it is very dull, the light in my 🐱 is not out. I can entertain the IDEA of sex and pleasure. BUT whenever I think of having sex with my husband I dry up and get anxious and then upset and then the desire is gone before I can even communicate with my husband that was horny in the first place. This may sound like a silly rant but it’s very upsetting and I’d like any advice or help that anyone can offer. Here is what I’ve already done:

1)Therapy

2)Couples counseling

3)medication

4)no medication

5) vitamins

6) Maca Root 😏

7)Meditation & prayer

8) exercise

9) better sleep habits

10) self care

11)self love 😉😏

12)communication with partner both in and out the bedroom.