(Me-F34 Spouse-M36) Together over 16 years now.

Long story: over five years ago we had a situation. I cheated on him, felt guilty and immediately told him when I got home from work. We have a big fight, he yells at me that he cheated on me a cple years ago and never told me. Fast forward a couple days, we were trying to work everything out, I quit my job the same day I came clean. I was crying and begging him to stay and that I would do anything for him, he says fine, let me stick it in your a** . Which he knows since day one that is something I have never wanted to do and is a hard boundary for me. I caved and let him, crying the whole time. We proceed to never talk about for the next four years. This year I attempted to talk to him about how I've been feeling and his response was "that's not what happened, I couldn't even get the tip in, I didn't even cum." How am I supposed to get over this? I haven't had any sexual attraction to him since it all happened and we fight about me not initiating. We only have sex when he wants it, which rarely includes any foreplay.

TLDR: I cheated, then I let him have anal sex with me. Now I have no sexual attraction to him. How do i get over it?