I long for my birth mother

Not sure if I’ve ever posted about meeting my birth mother on here.

I first met her when I was 10(?) and needed to renew my passport. Didn’t really understand at the time, just felt awkward. Fast forward to last year, my little sister had added me on fb and I reached out to her. We all decided to meet. It was great and so I decided to then plan with them to come to their home. I won’t lie I felt a little uncomfortable since I was meeting 2 of my brothers for the first time and their father. I haven’t seen my birth mother since last summer but I’ve been longing for her. Sometimes I’ll stalk her and my little sister’s page and feel sad. Feel sad that I was robbed of a relationship with my siblings. I tried reaching out to her a few months back but instead of giving me an actual response, she sent me a screenshot to an event that her family was attending which she had also posted to her fb wall. Idk but it felt insincere and like she didn’t really feel like trying. I had sent her this long paragraph explaining why I had distanced myself after out last visit but let her know I was ready to talk and work on a relationship. She didn’t respond until the next day and didn’t acknowledge my message, I had to ask her what she thought of what I wrote her. So even tho I’ve showed her that im ready and been the only one to reach out to her, it should be clear to me that she’s content with her family and doesn’t long for me the way I long for her. I love my parents but I can’t help but yearn for a relationship with my birth mother and siblings.

Maybe it’s just my seasonal depression..