Edit:

He wants to divorce, he can't live with what he's done. But I don't want that, do I not get a say in this as well 😭

Basically my husband was so drunk last night, he wanted sex which I was happy for but I asked him to be gentle and loving as I've had some issues recently and it does hurt down below. He didn't listen to me, and was being really rough, I asked him to be gentle and he ripped my hair and head back twice while I said no. He then told me to shut up and pushed my head down with his hand. Now I was date raped at 19 so it triggered that response in me to just lay dead still. And I did, I laid there and he stopped. I tried to go to bed but he started touching me again. I asked him to stop and he did. But he told me he was sorry for trying to push my boundaries... I said there was no boundaries to push as I had said no twice! This morning he's being shitty and ignoring me. I don't know what I've done wrong when I was the one who had her wishes violated. Please tell me I'm not delusional 😭