Baby Fever...?

My spouse and I have been talking aboute having tubal ligation done since BC just doesnt work out for me. I have too many side effects.

We have already had three pregnancies; one that ended in a loss of our duaghter 18 weeks, and two more that gave us our little man and little lady who are our whole world.

Before all of this, we thought we would have at least three children. We consider ourselves parents of three beautiful children, and for a while everything felt complete. My husband says he is content with the family we have now and I agreed.

Fast forward a few months. I am 5 days late for my period, and I cave and buy a pregnancy test that comes back negative.

And, I am disappointed. The same kind I felt whenever I would test when we were actively trying. My husband, however, seemed relieved.

We have a unique family dynamic. We have no family nearby to help, and due to certain life circumstances I am the one who works and my husband is a stay at home dad. Our son is autistic (verbal, moderate on spectrum) and in ABA therapy. He can get overwhelmed, as any parent does.

Now I am not sure what to do.

Obviously this is a call for both of us to make. I have been suspicious my husband secretly wants another (he hasnt let me donate any old baby clothes, or gift them to friends having children, including our sons crib for example), but he isnt ready to admit it. He could also just be unwilling to let things go until we know another baby wont be coming for sure.

I have tried to broach the subject, but he just makes a 😬 type face.