Please help! We have a 2year old (25 months old) and a newborn (2 weeks).

Up until now our 2 year old has always gone to sleep for naps and bedtime with me and nursed to sleep. We tried weaning her while I was pregnant but we couldn’t do it.

Now she cries when she’s ready for nap (sometimes) and always now at bedtime. At bedtime it’s not just a cry it’s an uncontrollable cry/tantrum.

Last night was one of the worst. She didn’t have her nap because sister had her first doctors appointment. So it was about 8 (awake for 11 hours) and she said “I’m tired, let’s go to sleep”. But she has to wait until I nurse her sister to sleep first so that I can pass a sleeping baby off to papa (dad) and then go nurse my 2 year old to sleep. She was so done and cried so hard. My husband’s patience was very thin at this point. He kept shushing her and telling her to stop crying and to be quiet so that the baby can go to sleep and so she (the 2 year old) can finally have mama for sleep. He would say “stop acting like this” and I would try to calm her down by saying that I understand it’s hard to wait but that I would be there soon. She would throw herself and kick at papa and even elbowed him in the neck when he picked her up. To which he said “ow you hurt me, say sorry”. And she’s just crying and throwing herself. She ran out to me and I tried speaking to her calmly while nursing the baby but she didn’t want to hear it and actually threw her hands at me as if to try to hit me or shooo me. I quickly stood up so she wouldn’t hit the baby and then she grew herself on the floor. I felt so bad because I just wanted to hug her and nurse her to sleep. My husband started speaking a little more calmly and finally the baby went to sleep. I passed her to my husband and went to the room with our toddler. She was so stressed out. We laid down and she had a very hard time stopping ghee crying she could barely nurse. I tried to do our bedtime talk (a rhyme, some positive words and a song) but immediately she put her hand up and said no. So I said I would be quiet. And I told her I loved her and I kept one hand on her shoulder. She cried and tried to nurse and then finally she fell asleep but she kept sniffling. Even after I detached she was still sniffling. And a half hour after she was asleep my husband went in to go to sleep and came back out and said she was sniffling (still).

I don’t know what to do you guys. This was the worst and it breaks my heart to see her so sad and upset. I want her to wean but I also understand that it is extremely difficult for her to wean when she already gets so much less mommy time during the day and she always sees her sister nursing and sleeping on me. What can I do?? Please!