(Long Post) For context, my husband and I have been together 14 years, married for 7. We have 2 kids, a 2 yr old and a 9mo old.

We live in the same area as his whole family and my family lives 6 hours away.

My MIL loves Christmas and they normally host both Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> and Christmas Day. We spent last year with them and my parents came up the weekend of New Years.

This year, my MIL had two major surgeries and is still recovering. We offered to host both <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> and Day for just this year, so my MIL could relax and focus on her recovery. Additionally, my parents are spending Christmas with us. (This was been planned for months). My brother and his wife were also planning on coming originally, but have decided to spend it with her family.

A couple weeks ago my in laws came over and I thought we had confirmed this plan. That we would host both and next year, they can have them back.( I’m not a Christmas person to begin with).

Randomly my husbands aunt texted us about being excited coming over for Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a>, which was not in the original plan, so my husband texted my MIL to see what was going on. (Instead of two people, it’s an extra 9 people, many of whom have pet allergies and we have several pets. ) With this discussion, apparently my MIL and I misunderstood each other bc she thought we were doing Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> and she was hosting Christmas Day only with “her family” (so with my family of 4, my SILs, their husbands and kids) but that my parents, who were staying with us, weren’t invited.

I am hurt by this. They’ve known for months my parents would be here and my parents aren’t strangers to them. We offered to host so my MIL could rest and not over exert herself hosting (my SILs don’t help prep, cook or clean. They expect to be catered to). Apparently they now think Christmas should be small and only for “immediate family” and we should split the holiday.

Which would be fine if my parents lived where we do, but they live 6 hours away. It’s not something we can do.

My husband told them today that we won’t be hosting, or attending Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a>. (Aside from being hurt, they want to do Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> after 5 based on their earlier plans, and we have small children who need to eat and be put to bed). Neither of my SILs are attending, one has a newborn and the other is with her in-laws.

He also slipped up and told my MIL that I was “ticked” at the situation and she blew up at him.

I don’t know how to make this better. I’ve always had a great relationship with my in laws. They’re overall good people, and involved grandparents. I don’t understand why this blew up like it did.

I guess I’m looking for insight here on how to make this better and not destroy our relationship with them.