I suffer with anxiety low moods panic attacks.

My oldest child is 19. She also gets low moods, depressive etc. I have always helped supported and guided her however in doing so I take a massive blow to my own mental health.

Now that she is 19 how do I protect my own energy and mental health from her down, depressive and constant ‘woe me’ attitude and views. I’m finding it all so draining and I do everything I can to help but she never wants to help herself and she would rather sit and complain about same stuff over and over instead of being proactive in improving herself and mental state.

I also have a toddler to attend to (who causes me anxiety everyday with just normal life stuff) which I’m only about coping with but with my oldest as well I get no peace none.

If I’m not stressing and worrying about toddler I’m stressing and worrying about adult child I can’t carry on like this.

I just told my oldest that she needed to fix up basically and find solutions instead of living in a negative space etc which has backfired as she has now called me heartless, unemotional and a shit parent etc

I just cannot win so I need to now just protect myself but how?

Forgot to mention: over the years I have had her in therapy but she would quit often saying it was crap. I’ve had her referred to mental health teams which after some time she again would leave or refuse to attend. I’ve had her have a mentor which lasted well but I discovered she was completely lying and making up things to the mentor which defeated the whole program.