depression as a military spouse

i guess i just want to vent about how i feel and see if there is anyone else who has felt this before that could maybe let me know that im not crazy.

so my boyfriend (21m) & i (21f) have been together for 6 years, lived together for like 2 1/2. he is in the military and has been deployed for almost a year, he’s coming home in a couple of weeks. ever since he left, i have been in absolutely the deepest depression of my life. we have not been able to talk as much as i would like since there is now a 9 hour time difference between the two of us and i work nights, he is awake during the middle of the night when im at work so we can talk a little but on my days off when i am not awake thru the middle of the night we dont get to talk much because he’s asleep by the time i wake up in the morning.

my boyfriend and i have the same group of friends that we hang out with, and i had two separate girl friends that i considered to be my best friends. but my two girl friends have since gone to college and the communication between us fizzled out. and the group of friends that my boyfriend and i share have barely spoken to me since he left, where i would have expected them to put effort into making sure i was okay / not lonely while he was gone, instead i’ve seen them maybe twice in the year he’s been gone & we used to hang out like every other weekend.

and, when i do get to talk to my boyfriend, i just want to be emotionally supported and feel loved and it seems like his military mindset of “solve the problem as quickly and logically as possible and move on” is kind of getting in the way of us having actual conversations. it’s like, i will try to talk to him about how i am feeling and that i feel lonely and rather than say anything comforting or tell me he’s sorry or anything he just says he’ll be home soon. & then i always feel stupid for even trying to have a conversation about my feelings because i feel like he just doesn’t have the time to care. but he was very comforting and emotionally supportive before he left. but after i try to talk about it & he just shuts it down with a logical answer it then makes my depressed / lonely feeling even worse because if i don’t feel like i can talk to him then i don’t have anyone else. i can’t really explain it, like i’m not always looking for a solution but sometimes just a shoulder to cry on i guess. i don’t have any other friends that have been with a military member who know what it’s like, nor do i even have any other friends period.

i’m just having a hard time because i don’t know what im supposed to do if he gets home and things don’t just go back to normal. because he thinks that once he gets back that will alleviate all of my problems and that things will be just like they were. but i just feel like i have been so depressed all year, on the verge of suicidal thoughts, and so it’s hard for me to have hope that this will all vanish when he comes back, and i don’t want to ruin a good relationship by continuing to be emotional and sad even once he’s home.

if anyone has any advice or has been through anything similar, i would just really appreciate an outsiders opinion on it & for someone to hopefully tell me im not crazy. or if i am then be straight up about it i guess.