Miscarriage

I haven’t been able to tell anyone this(only my boyfriend knows) I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks in February. We were not trying to get pregnant, but not careful either. I’m 41 and honestly o just thought maybe having kids was not for me and then boom, there it was. I was nervous but excited; i started imagining him or her. My bf was excited also (1st kid for us both) then the spotting started, then it was full on bleeding; went to the ER ( as per my doctor) spent 22 hours there. Passed a huge fleshy blood clot while there and at that moment I knew it was over. The next few days felt surreal, like i was still functioning (going to work, talking to my family and friends) but i felt like a stranger in my own body. I don’t think i grieved properly, i mean i cried a couple of times; but that’s it. Today i got my 1st period since it happened and its the first time I feel “normal” i don’t know why…it’s weird.

My bf wants to start trying again soon…honestly I’m scared, i don’t think i could go through that again. It felt good to just write this out!! Oufff