Lost my V-Card to Someone I Just Met

Ok so I feel like ranting a bit here

I’m studying abroad in Taiwan and met this guy (let’s call him T) at a bar. BTW, I’m 21 and he’s 27. A few days later, we went on a coffee date and talked for hours. The cafe was closing so we went for a walk at the park. We continued our conversation and then we sat down and we started making out.

I’ve dated only once before but I’ve never had a boyfriend. I don’t know what was going on inside my head because it was my idea to go to T’s place and I barely knew him. But since we talked for quite awhile I felt comfortable with him. Since it was my first time having sex I was a bit nervous. So T couldn’t put it inside me lol we tried a few times but I was hurting so much so we just had oral sex. He was very nice always asking me if I’m ok and comforting me.

A week later we meet each other at a park for a walk again. Then we go back to his place and we actually have sex this time. It didn’t hurt as much this time and I quite enjoyed it.

Days later I start to realize that I’m leaving back to my country in 3 weeks and I had just met T 2 weeks ago. This started to make me sad and I cried in my room. I was beginning to catch feelings for T which I told myself not to because then it would be difficult for me to say goodbye.

ATP I just wanted to stop seeing him so that I wouldn’t go through the pain of having to leave him when the day comes. 2 weeks before I leave, he invited me to his friend’s farewell hangout at a bar. I went but didn’t expect for this to happen:

He left me alone with his friends for almost 2 hours and I got up and started to leave to see where he was at. I ended up seeing him talking with a girl. I was angry and felt disrespected but I kept calm and told him I was leaving. He apologized and said he would text me later so that we can hangout again. I told him that’s fine but in truth I hated him at that moment.

An hour after leaving, he sends me a text apologizing again and said he was looking forward to our next meeting. I texted him back saying it’s best we stop seeing each other and wished him well. He understood and was nice about it.

I really did want to hangout out with him again but after that situation I didn’t want to anymore. I know I shouldn’t be like this because we aren’t exclusively dating. But I did get a bit jealous and mad. So I guess maybe casual dating is not for me, especially for me who doesn’t know much about dating.

Maybe I should have waited for my future boyfriend but I think I just felt like I was falling behind. I even had my first kiss at 20 years old.

What I did is probably wrong but I still had the best time with T

Sorry for the long story/rant but thank you if you’ve read it to the end