Anyone who’s affiliate with military life, especially the spouse… understands the sacrifices.

Leaving family and uprooting your family over and over for your spouse.

This is our fourth duty station in nine years.

I came from a three year long, physically abusive relationship before meeting my husband.

I knew the job he has is stressful. In the beginning, his yelling was mild compared to my ex.

Then the children came and his yelling increased. Charging at me with knives. Breaking down doors or locking me behind them while pregnant. While holding an infant.

Storming out and taking our only car and blocking my number on and off so I felt completely alone. 900+ miles away from anyone I knew. Any family.

My mother doesn’t want me and my three children with her.

He hurts our five year old son on a regular basis.

He hurts our seven year old, autistic, super sweetheart daughter.

For one of the first times ever, a few weeks ago, he hurt her enough to leave a mark.

I called CPS and they told me it wasn’t considered abuse. But “because we’re military” hey “had to” report it to family advocacy and CID (Army, forgot if I said that or not).

All of a sudden… we’re all being interviewed. I had formal interviews.

My two older children were interviewed by child forensic psychologists.

I’ve been assigned a Special Victims Counsel/lawyer…

I just want it to be over….

I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD since 2018..

I’ve been reading about some thoughts I’ve had and “widow fantasy” definitely applies 😣

I’m just venting I guess.

He was taken a week ago for a “military protection order”, I guess that’s like their idea of a restraining order.

Please please…don’t give me hate about keeping my kids in this situation. 😣

I’ve been abused too. He’s bullied me that everything in his name.

That the car and money is his.

That I have bipolar disorder (diagnosed) and he tells me it’s cause for him to get custody if I try to leave.

He tells me I have nowhere to go.

He tells me if I leave he’ll follow me and take back the kids.

Starting over after not working all this time and moving from place to place…. Even if I got a job, what to do during summer vacation? Or when he has to go on an unexpected work trip?

The special victims counsel ran through some scenarios with me and I’ll probably request a forced separation. If they’ll grant it 😣

I’ve reached out for help before and no one listened. MP’s have and his command have protected him…

They close the case and I am stuck all over again with my abuser…

I just want it to be over… I don’t care about being happy… I want to be safe, feel safe. I want my children to never be yelled at and in fear for their lives ever again 💔