Hi everyone. I hope today is treating you well. I would like some advice / opinions from a male perspective. I have posted in the women’s chat but the only advice I’ve gotten is to leave; and I don’t want too.

Backstory: my boyfriend and I have been in each other’s lives for 3 years. We were sexually and emotionally involved. I moved out of state for 2 years and we continued constant communication and visits to each other. We did not commit because we didn’t know if I’d be back, so stopped communicating all together. I ended up moving back (for family) and we reconnected. We’ve now been in a committed relationship since the day I got back, it’s been 8 months.

Now the cheating part. Yesterday I found videos on his phone of him having sex with his ex and another woman. He had sex with another woman in his own room. I helped him move in, every Friday I clean and do his laundry. Our relationship seemed so beautiful on the outside. My faith even brought him closer to God and we started praying together and going to church. He was having panic attacks while I was out of state visiting family and I flew back that same night to be there for him. He treated me SO good, this was the biggest shock of my life. I was in shock so bad that I didn’t cry for 2 days.

I told him what I saw and he didn’t deny it at all. He broke down crying at my feet. He said part of him wanted to get caught because he didn’t have the balls to tell me. He cried so hard and kept asking God why he’s weak to his temptations.

We talked about his having a porn problem and how it had consumed his life. He has sexual trauma from childhood and I personally understand the pain of trying to cope. I even went to therapy myself a few years ago because I was struggling being faithful in my relationship and was hyper active. I think that’s why I’m not quick to leave? He truly was kissing my feet saying it had absolutely nothing to do with me. That I’ve been the best thing in his life and I’m the first relationship that ever made him be honest and WANT to get help. Said he never had self respect or loved himself so he didn’t care about hurting others. He said I deserve so much more than he can give me, said if I allowed him the chance, he wants to stay (whether in a relationship or not) to “clean up the mess he made.” He also kept explains to me that “can’t blame myself” because I “loved him more than anyone has.” He said no one has ever made him want to be a better person or lead him towards God the way I have.

A few days before this happened, we both (without knowledge of the other doing it) prayed to God for light to be shined on anything that would threaten our relationship. He said he doesn’t regret getting caught cause part of him knew he wasn’t “man enough” to tell me.

Everyone is telling me that I’m wrong, but I truly believe him. He’s more than willing to get help, go to therapy, go to church, and wait for me to heal from this betrayal (if possible). He didn’t get defensive, he didn’t try to gaslight me, he took full responsibility.

Is it truly possible for men to cheat because they are “broken and a slave to his addiction” meaning porn. I know this is a real addiction. He said he didn’t cheat because he wasn’t happy, said he was the happiest he’s ever been with me and that’s why he can’t understand why he gets so weak.

Guys, is it possible to cheat because of your own problems while truly loving your spouse? Am I being naive? I don’t want to give up on him.