Am I the only one?

When I start to see this I literally hold my breath every time I have to use the restroom, hoping I haven’t started spotting.

This happened to me 2 years ago. I was 10 weeks pregnant when we lost the baby. This is the furthest I’ve been through the cycle without starting since

I feel like such a failure when I start my period and i always struggle not to feel sorry for myself. But then I also feel like I somehow let my husband down because I know how badly we both want this.

Am I the only one who does this?