Sad about (basically nonexistent) relationship with my dad

I want to not be sad but I’m really tired of this. All my life he’s been either there, or totally gone, there’s just no inbetween. I feel so not important to him, and he has zero relationship with my son, his ONLY grandson. 😞 It fucking hurts. Him and I were so close when I was pregnant and then he decided to move cross country before I gave birth. He said he would come visit but never did. Last year we were super down on our luck and my dad took that as an opportunity to think I’m asking for money or just using him? Because I wanted to talk to him. So every time I talked to him, he would brag about how much money he has and even one time said “wow seeing your situation makes me feel better about my situation, knowing I’m in a better place and to appreciate it.” I never ONCE asked for money, and I don’t want anyone’s money, but all I want is a relationship with him. A healthy one. 😞 When I was in another state closer to him last year (a family member let us live there while going through a horrible transition, and I didn’t have money to come visit my dad plus I’m traveling alone with a toddler), my dad randomly calls and makes it sound like he was happening to travel that way so maybe he’ll make a stop to see me and finally see his grandchild for the first time. He acted like he did us such a great favor by visiting for 4 hours. 🙄 Crocodile tears at the end and said “idk when I’ll see you again, it will probably be a LONG time” like wtf? Zero effort. Ever since then, he hasn’t reached out ONCE. It’s been almost a year now and I called him on his birthday (when we talked it was all about him and brag brag brag. Again, didn’t care much to talk to his grandchild that he was so excited for me to have when I was pregnant), I messaged him again a few months ago to try to break the radio silence and he’s just so cold and only talked about himself. Thankfully my husband and I are in a MUCH better place in every way possible now. Father’s Day was yesterday and I was dreading messaging my dad. But I was nice, said I love him and all that. He replies with just talking about himself again, no “I love you”, nothing. He says “how’s it going in your state?” So I said great! Thanks for asking” zero response after. My childhood relationship was rocky at best with him, although he wasn’t the worst dad most of the time. There was a time when I was 10 having a meltdown and he told me he didn’t want to be my father anymore. I stopped talking to him for 2 years after that. Then he treated me badly in my early twenties, said an unwarranted toxic thing to me and I stopped talking to him again for 4 years. When I decided to reach out again after being so sad he never made an effort, he said he had “let me go”.

I FEEL SO UNIMPORTANT TO HIM. The shitty part is I don’t even like him as a person that much WHY AM I STILL UPSET 😢 I feel like my own father doesn’t love me or my child. I feel so constantly let down. I HATE IT. I’ve been feeling this way for over a year, and have cut him out so many times over my life. He just doesn’t give a shit about me and it sucks. Yes, he had a horrible traumatic toxic childhood but he ended up being so cold, just like his mom is to me. I thought things were getting better with our relationship and now there’s no effort. I hate the way I feel 😞I wish I could just stop letting this affect me