AITA for still naming my son after his grandfather and great grandfather when my coworker's son (who has the same first name) died a week before my son was born? We are not close. Don't even follow each other on socials.

Question

I don't mean to sound insensitive but I truly do not know how I would even possibly be seen as the AH but here we go...
My grandfather and my dad share the same first name, which was coincidentally the name of my coworker's son. I've always known my son would have the same name as my dad and grandfather. My coworker is in her late 40s and her 16/17 year old son was killed by a drunk driver while walking home from work a week before my son was born. I've worked at this place for two years now, and had only a year of experience when I went on maternity leave in April 2023.
Before my son was born, I'd received lots of personalized gifts, like a blanket with his name embroidered on it. We had a custom name sign made for his nursery. This name holds a lot of meaning for us. My grandfather was a single dad in a time where being a single dad wasn't common, and he raised three kids ages 5-9 all on his own.
I knew my coworker's son had been killed but I went on maternity leave the week before. She had a private funeral so I didn't attend because I wasn't close with her. I don't have her on social media or anything. We do not know each other outside of work.
She seems to think that I should have chosen a different name for my son because of what happened to her son. She called me out on it saying that I was being selfish for picking a name that holds so much hurt for her. I told her I was sorry that she felt that way but the name has special meaning to me and my family. She told me I was being inconsiderate of her difficult time and asked me if I even cared that her son was dead. I told her I did care and she said "just not enough to pick a different name for your son. Cool."
My coworkers are divided on the issue. My coworker ignores me and when I do talk to her, it's one word answers and she scoffs or sneers at me the whole time and mutters things like "fucking unbelievable" if I ask her to help with anything. HR is aware but because it's "a little issue of hostility with someone who is hurting" they haven't done a damn thing. 
I don't know what I could have done differently. I don't think what I did was awful or should be considered an AH move. Was it?

Answer

You’re not wrong. I know she’s hurting and she’s probably not thinking clearly because of that, but that doesn’t give her and other people a right to bully you. Her son wasn’t the only person with that name, and to be blunt, the world doesn’t revolve around her. If HR isn’t helping you, try to see if you can go higher than them and maybe even look for another job (if you want to or can. You shouldn’t have to, but if your job isn’t treating you well, it might be the best decision).

Answer

The name isn't hers to own. It's awful that her son died but the name has meaning for you. Like you said, you aren't even close anyway. The only reason you know her is because she's your coworker. She knew you were naming your son that name before her son died. I think it's unrealistic for her to expect that you, her coworker, would change your son's name for her sake. The world doesn't revolve around her. She's grieving and needs to find a therapist or a better outlet for her anger than you.
I would tell HR that she can't continue to treat you this way and if she does, you're going to get higher ups involved or you're going to quit.

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No you shouldn't have to be worried about what you name you're children because someone else has lost their child. It's incredibly sad what's she's going through, that doesn't give her the right to tell you what you can and can't name your baby. If HR aren't listening you need to go higher she can't be treating you like this over a name that you already had picked.

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I don’t think you did anything wrong but I think you just need to give her space. 
I cannot even fathom. Thinking of that makes my stomach turn. 
She’s hurting. No ones the AH here. She’s just really hurting. 
Let her grieve. One day she may apologize or one day she may feel too embarrassed to apologize. Right now she’s just too hurt.

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No, you didn’t do anything wrong. No one can own a name. You have every right to name your child what you want. Just ignore her. You two weren’t close. She’s projecting her pain onto you. I would just ignore it. Enjoy your baby. Only talk to her when it’s necessary. She doesn’t have the right to make you feel guilty.

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People who are grieving often subconsciously choose to focus on anger because it's easier than grief. Of course you shouldnt change the name. While I appreciate shes grieving, she is simply an aquaintance and you shouldnt make significant family decisions based on someone who wont be in your personal life at all, youll likely know temporarily, and will likely never even meet your son. Im surprised your coworkers are divided on this, to me, it's a no brainer. If she continues, you may need to speak to her firmly and set boundaries or start a paper trail with HR eg email documentation of her hostile behavior even if it's weekly. That will raise a flag vs you just talking about it.

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People don’t own names, I can’t imagine losing a child. But someone else using that name isn’t wrong

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I can't imagine how she feels.. it would be my worst nightmare.. she isn't dealing with it in a healthy way either.. i'm thinking she won't just be lashing out at u but others too.. i'd try a different approach and ask for the company to seek help for her.. but in no way should she bully u.. also make that clear.

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She’s hurting and lashing out, but that doesn’t excuse her taking it out on you. You’ve done nothing wrong, you already had a name picked out that means something to you and your son will have that name long after you’ve moved on from this job and no longer have any contact with that woman. You had nothing to do with her son, as tragic as it is it’s got nothing to do with you or your life choices. Your reason had nothing to do with her, as it should be, which is why you had no obligation to change it based on her. You’re not an arse hole and owe her nothing.

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It honestly just seems like an unfortunate coincidence. you didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m sure she’s grieving but she will probably meet many other people with the name in her lifetime too so it’s sad she’s taking it out on you. she really should get into therapy but that’s definitely not something you should say to her. I would just ignore her the best you can

AITA for still naming my son after his grandfather and great grandfather when my coworker's son (who has the same first name) died a week before my son was born? We are not close. Don't even follow each other on socials.

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