New love vs old love

I miss old love.

So my last relationship ended in a very.... toxic way... and in retrospect there were a lot of toxic things from the beginning... but I miss the good parts of "old" love. Like mature settled love.

I miss when they would notice I was aching and bring me my hotpad or a cup of tea. I miss when I would see something that reminded me of them and sending them a picture. I miss roadtrip games. I miss going out to eat and never ordering the same thing so that you both got to enjoy both of the dishes and yall dont miss out. I miss a random kiss on the neck while doing anything mundane.

My friend in a relationship says she envies me because I get to experience the rush of new love again but to be honest.... I prefer the calm settled love of "old" love. Im sure new love is fine (im healing so im not actively searching) but I kind of miss having a person there that loves you.

And even old love can be exciting. Traveling to new places together. Trying new foods and restaurants. New activities. But all with a settled person by your side. Finding out a new random thing about them that you're surprised you never knew before.

I hope the next big love I have is much healthier than my last one... but im most excited for that settled love long past the "getting to know you" phase.