Please let me know if I’m going crazy or my husband is wrong?

Question

So my husband is going to Vegas in august for a work trip. I said oh wow that will be fun. He said yeah, I’ll probably gamble because what else is there to do strip club and bar. I don’t want to do anything stupid. That got me concerned him saying “I don’t want to do anything stupid.” Because he emotionally cheated on me last year…. With a family friend. So I tried clarifying and he got mad at me for “reading between the lines as always”. I just wanted to clarify if he meant that as he doesn’t want to do anything stupid because he finds those things stupid or if that means he doesn’t want to put himself in those places because he doesn’t trust himself and would maybe do something stupid. He got mad at me for overthinking and kicked something was cursing at me…. He said would you want me to go to those places? I said no he said exactly because it’s wrong so drop it. 
Am I crazy and maybe since just what happened to me I am being a bit overthinking or does it seem like he means if he went he may do something stupid cause to me if he said I don’t want to go to those places but he said I don’t want to do anything stupid…. He said it’s insane of me to keep asking and he “answered” that he wouldn’t go or put himself in a situation like going…. That’s concerning to me… it’s like he can’t trust himself to stay true? Right? 
I mean I have my first period just now in a while since having a 2 yr old and 10 month old 
Our marriage and betrayal therapist said because of what happened he should have compassion and empathy and help me to heal and rebuild and over explain for me. He is incapable. Idk if this will work. I asked a simple clarification and it turns into a mess. I cannot show any feeling other than happy because we can’t talk about feelings at all. I don’t even bring up the emotional cheating to him anymore anything about it because he can’t deal with it. And idk how this will work. He used to be my fairytale…. Having a baby triggered childhood trauma and he changed . I was with him for 5 years prior and he was so compassionate loving truly mine. Maybe it’s paternal postpartum anxiety depression ?

Answer

If I were to hear my partner, say, "I don't want to do anything stupid", I would consider that him trying to reassure me that he is not going there for nefarious reasons. So my opinion is that you are overthinking it. But I am not looking at it through the lens of a prior betrayal. So I can understand why you're overthinking, but what he said is likely not because he doesn't trust himself, it's because he wants you to feel safe knowing that he won't do anything stupid. You read way far into what he said imo. He sounds really frustrated that you didn't understand him and turned it into something it wasn't. I think, instead of criticizing you for reading between the lines, he should have just been more clear that this is him trying to reassure you. The problem is, he can only reassure you so much. Believing it is up to you. It sounds like his attempt to reassure you was not enough for you as you felt it was open to interpretation. It does get tiring having to over explained and over complicate to reassure someone. But I think that he should be willing to do that considering his prior infidelity. On the other hand, staying with someone you can't trust is super stressful. It's a choice you're making to work with him on this. The two of you still have a lot of work to do. ￼￼

Answer

So im going to read between the lines here based on that last paragraph. It seems to me that he is actually trying to prove himself to you and move forward past his mistake but you just cant let it go. You say you dont bring up the emotional cheating anymore and cant talk to him about certain things anymore because of how he reacts.....that leads me to beleive that you kept on and kept on and kept on about all of it and refuse to just put it behind you until he just couldnt take it anymore and now sees any mention of anything like that as an attack. He has to over explain everything that he does to you because you dont trust him and no matter what your mind always goes back to that mistake. YOU chose to stay with him after his emotional affair. By choosing to stay, yoh choose to put it behind you and by questioning him like this and him having to explain every little thing he does in great detail to you, thats not moving forward or building trust on your end. IMO, him straight up saying he doesnt want to go to those places because he doesnt want to do anything stupid is enough. He is literally telling you his intentions for the trip: he is NOT going to go to certain places because by going there is a always a chance of something stupid. By him getting upset and asking you if you wanted him to go to those places and you saying no, it should have been immediately dropped as you were on the same page in that moment. However you woulsnt let it drop and kept on about what he meant. You are digging the hole yourself and blaming him. You need to ask yourself if you really want this to work with him and if you really want to trust him again and put in the work that you also need to do to get there. It seems like your counseling is one sided and just focusing all on what he has done wrong and what he needs to do, but marriage takes two. Either decide you are going to trust him or dont and leave.

Answer

You haven’t forgave him and don’t trust him. 
No matter how he worded it, you wouldn’t have liked it. You wouldn’t have been okay with him even saying the words strip club. 
I think maybe some individual therapy is a great idea. Blaming your period is cop-out.

Answer

As someone whose partner has NOT cheated on me, I wouldn’t think twice if he said “I don’t want to do anything stupid”. Because I trust him. You do not trust your husband. It’s your relationship but personally, I wouldn’t waste my time continuing this relationship. It’s not healthy and neither of you sound happy

Answer

You have to trust him or leave. Nagging him to explain something he already did is frustrating. I understand he hurt you but once you decide to forgive and move forward you have to let it go.

Please let me know if I’m going crazy or my husband is wrong?

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