His communication is starting to bug me?

Question

I’m aware him and I are not exclusive, however if you’re interested in that person like we are with each other and are to plan a hangout for a third time next week (long distance) wouldn’t you want to talk to that person? Atleast like 1-2x a day? We’ve been talking since mid April. I feel I’m the one doing the reaching out like 50+% of the time. He will text me either like every few days, or we’ll FaceTime maybe 2-3x a month or sometimes he won’t reach out and just will send me a thing on instagram…I don’t view that as a form of communication. I’m just afraid to ask for better communication since we’re not an item, but when someone communicates consistently, not constantly, it’s a sense of reassurance for me that they’re interested. Thoughts? I get he has a busy career as a pilot but also has down time, and I know I’m a pretty anxious person and so my brain automatically assumes the black and white thinking “if they wanted to they would” so I’m already assuming he doesn’t like me since I don’t hear from him for a few days in a row, and when I do, it’s sometime later at night, like after 8, and no it’s not booty call or sexual stuff. We both agreed last hangout which was over a week ago, we’re looking to settle down and get married as we both hate the dating pool. So I’m hoping that the next hangout (fingers crossed) him and I have a healthy talk where this is going and maybe be an item? I should mention that when we do hang out or talk via FaceTime there’s never a dull moment and we’re so excited to see each other and everything’s great, it’s just during the between times it feels weird.

Answer

Being that you aren’t exclusive and he’s a pilot, I would expect a couple times a week to talk not daily. Can you imagine being on an international flight and your pilot is too busy texting. Not a responsible thing to do. Probably have protocol and doesn’t want to jeopardize his job by texting you. So if you want to be with him, you are going to have to learn to be patient. My partner was doing his residency for anesthesiologist 80 hours a week, we 4am days and would pass out within 30 minutes of getting home. Sometimes 7 days a week. If you want to be with a busy man, then you are going to have to keep yourself busy as well so you don’t notice the time in between not talking. Once you are more local to each other, or living together, that type of thing, then daily is more understandable, because he’s a pilot, he can’t talk to you while he’s in flight, and training, in a meeting, etc.. my best advice to you is not to overthink, because all you’re doing is sabotaging your happiness. It’s like sitting in a rocking chair. All it does is give you something to do, but it doesn’t get anywhere.  Take up the hobby, another job, exercising, which is great because your body releases all the feel good hormones, journaling, reading a book, taking classes to further education or something fun like cooking or pottery or painting. Maybe an emotional support animal in the meantime for comfort. Volunteering, changes your mindset on life completely, you stop focusing on yourself, but on others instead, it makes you appreciate life, grateful that you don’t have to deal with what they do, it makes your problems not seem so big, it’s good for the soul, it gives your life purpose. There is more to life than just relationships, it helps you not to overthink so much because you’re too busy. Read to the blind, feed the homeless at a soup, kitchen, Habitat for Humanity, for people who lost their homes to disasters, etc. remember that a relationship doesn’t complete you, you complete yourself, there is a big difference between being alone, and loneliness. When you are alone, there is peace, there is freedom, and there can be joy. When you’re talking about loneliness, that’s when you’re talking about sadness and emotional codependency and that’s not healthy. I’m pretty sure we’ve all had this conversation with you. I know you equate his level of effort as his level of interest in you, but when it comes to somebody who has a busy job, and you know this, you can’t expect him to be waiting by the phone And blowing up your phone when he’s flying an airplane. Or he’s busy. It’s only the third time you’ve met. It’s not three years in. Things are still in that casual mode, you’re not exclusive, he could be seeing other people for all you know. And same thing for you. He may not be as serious as you are, I know you said that you both want to date for marriage, but action speak louder than words. Remember that everyone put on their best face in the beginning, no one says hello, these are all my red flags, it takes a good year to get to know somebody and even then they can still surprise you. You don’t truly know someone until you see them in anger, For instance, old boyfriend, a male coworker, or a male friend, or somebody on social media says you’re so hot, and you see how he reacts, if he displays jealousy, insecurities, anger, or rage or abuse, if he disrespects you, tries to control or manipulate you, or anything else but you don’t see that present themselves. You don’t see how people live, or the expectations that people have of a relationship until you are living together, the things that you can put up with and can’t put up with. The things that make you want to, lose your patience with them, defining what you consider, cheating, pornography if that’s cheating, having female friends, talking to women on line or commenting on peoples photos, finances, debt, credit, your families, children, the role of your families and the level of interruption in your life, if they choose you over their family, or are you the second class citizen while his mother reins the household? She’s a monster in law. How you raise the children, religion, politics, how people behave with people who are waiting on you, like a maid or a waitress. Money is the biggest problem in relationships, it’s usually used as a form of control especially for stay at home mothers, unfortunately things like that happen. There’s lots of things that you need to talk about before you even think about our relationship or marriage  if you are living together, and he’s never around, because he’s traveling all the time, how are you gonna feel then alone in the house like I said in the beginning it’s very important to keep yourself busy so you don’t feel lonely or abandoned or neglected or anything else you could associate with that.  Some people feel that a roof over your head and food in the refrigerator is enough of providing for a relationship, when you’re looking for a much different thing of emotional connection and date nights and whatever anticipation is you disappointed when they don’t meet those demands. I know that you like this guy, but you’re gonna have to get used to being alone and OK with that not the need of constant communication or or constant presence because that’s not possible with his job. So if you truly want to be with this person, you’re gonna have to figure that out.

Answer

I recommend like you said the next time you get together, have a healthy adult conversation and express some questions or concerns and go from there. Guys are dumb, so he may not think much about his actions or think everything’s fine…hence why communication is super important.

Answer

If this is to go forward.. never listen to his words.. charm can easily be fake just to please u.. get u in bed etc.. actions are key.. no effort on his part.. busy work life or not.. it takes a second.. even a voice message is quicker.. also from hanging out to marriage.. wooo.. u don't even know the guy who u barely see or hear from.. also odd he calls after 8pm.. u sure there's no other woman in his life? Or him casually dating many more.. u wouldn't know.

His communication is starting to bug me?

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