SAHMs how much does your husband help?

Question

**Stay at home moms only**
I have a 5 year old, 3 year old and an 8 month old. Oh and 2 dogs
I feel like I’m drowning. I do all things kids related (nighttime feedings/wakings, all diaper changes, baths, bedtime routines for all 3 kids and more). I also do everything around the house (cooking, cleaning, gardening, laundry, etc.) Plus everything the dogs need (grooming appointments, feeding them, bath, walks, etc).
My husband works M-F 8-4/5 and he works once a month on Saturdays. When he’s home he does sometimes have work calls or paperwork that needs to be sent out. He plays softball every Friday with friends during the summer. He also most nights plays video games from 8-11. 
With all that being said, I’m at my wits end. I’ve talked to him I don’t even know how many times. I never get help. I can’t even shower alone (he won’t take my 8 month old long enough). Idk what to do!! Im losing my mind! Any stay at home moms that have advice or have been in my shoes?!?
*I do have to add that I’m breastfeeding my 8 month old and she’s going through an extremely clingy phase*

Answer

He barely helps but he likes to see it as he does absolutely everything and is the bread winner. 
I do the cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, house duties, taking care of our animals, dr appts and literally everything in between. I even make most of our food from scratch. 
We have a 5 week old and an almost 3 yr old.. I’m exhausted. He hasn’t woke up with our newborn since about day 3 of being home from the hospital of having an emergency c section. We’ve had discussion after discussion and he still doesn’t feel like I do enough. 
Last night actually we had a massive argument because he just leaves me.. didn’t come home til 4 am or later actually from a friends house while he’s drinking etc.. but he goes over to friends houses alllll the time. In the mornings before we even wake up, at night… during the week & weekends. He plays his video games. But he told me last night that I needed to get a job (mind you while doing absolutely everything including watching both kids) because what I do just isn’t enough. 
I don’t know how much more I can honestly take. I’m already doing it by myself. I can barely get a shower in. So.. yep.

Answer

SAHM with 5 and husband works during the day M-F for 12 hours and comes home to cook. He likes his food a certain way so it is easier for him to cook the way he likes. I clean up and the kids help with dishes. He also helps with any and all of our children. Not bath time or diaper changes but he will take the kids with him on a job when I am needing a break. (He is self employed so that does help). I do the majority of the household work, but he does cook 80% of the time and more so because I am pregnant and I can’t complain about it. He also does the gardening with my oldest, since I am 25 weeks with a clingy baby on the hip lol hard to put baby down and her not try to eat the dirt or whatever rock is laying near her 😆

Answer

The time hes home, he shouldnt he done with his day until youre done with yours. No the house doesnt need to be spotless, but dinner, basic kitchen clean up, nighttime routine etc needs to be joint. Ive been a SAHM, working mom, and sole provider while my husband stays home, and this is how weve always done things regardless of who works how much. Work time is work time, whoever is home holds up the fort the best they can (attempts to do chores as much as possible but with an infant youre kinda at their mercy), then after work is a joint effort with whatever needs to get done.

Answer

SAHM similar circumstances. 6 yr old, 2 1/2 yr old, 9 month old, and one dog. I also homeschool, am in school myself, and dabble in some side hustles. Hubs works Mon-Fri and every other Sat. He always wakes up to the baby before I do. First kid he's ever woken up to. We did a weird switch with this one. So he handles any random 3 am feedings. As soon as he steps in the house he's full parent mode. Involved with homeschooling, handles the kiddos while I do school/work. Helps clean the house. Handles bath time half the time, he fully handles the laundry (he's got a weird routine for it and I don't want to throw it off and he says he actually enjoys doing the laundry so I'll let him have that one.) The rest is pretty 50/50 when he's home.

Answer

I'm a SAHM i have 3 boys 2 dogs and 4 cats and pregnant with our 4th boy that being said if i was in your shoes i would definitely be lossing my mind.  My husband is a truck driver so hours and days vary sometimes he works 16 hr days or is gone for days at a time or works 7 days a week BUT he is 100% involved with everything in our home kids animals appointments cleaning groceries you name it.  We are partners in our lives together and he understands that me being at home isnt a treat for me its so we dont have stress and finical burden of child care and leaving our animals alone all day and its taxing on me so when he comes home he takes over so i can have a break from running the whole household and having a clingy toddler all over me being overstimulated there are even times where i have to check out completelylovk myself in our room for some me time. I also have anxiety and depression that i take medication for and regulate on the daily so it adds to the daily household. You dont need to be a super mom but you also need a partner to help take on the responsibility that he contributed to make.

Answer

My husband wfh 6-3pm M-F.
We have 2 kids (1 & 2), 2 dogs, and 4 cats. Our 1 year old spent 4 months in the nicu and had a ton of appointments after that. 
My husband feeds all the pets morning and night. He does the dishes and takes out the trash. He helps pick up toys at bed time. He helps me fold laundry. He does bed time for at least 1 kids. He does night wakes if that happens. He cooks every now and then or plays with the kids if I’m cooking. 
He plays video games at nap time (if he’s taking lunch) and after the kids are asleep. We both read while the kids play if we can (hard with a 1 & 2 yo lol). 
He also takes our 1 year old for any appointment he has in Phoenix (it’s 2.5hrs from where we live). He’s gone to all of their dentist appointments. I typically do pediatrician because it’s usually during a meeting for him. 
He’s very very hands on and I’m very thankful for it. He also recognizes when I need a break from being with them 24/7 and will send me to the store alone or tell me to just leave the house for a few hours. Our communication is very strong.

Answer

I’m a stay at home mom/ full time student. I have 14,13 and 3 year old. My husband works full-time and does everything. He still cooks, cleans and takes care of our children. If he plays video games he will drop anything if I need anything or the kids. He hasn’t always been this way with the house work or cooking but he finally understood how hard it was when he had no choice but do it all when I had surgery. Always been a hands on dad though. 
I’m sorry you are going through this. If talking doesn’t help maybe couples counseling could be mentioned so you both could advocate for yourselves in a safe space. I feel like it’s hard to speak up “loud” enough to a partner without causing an argument and then nothing will ever change. Just because he works doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to be a Dad at the bare minimum.

Answer

Gosh, this is really sad. Im sorry you're experiencing this. I'm blessed my husband works 2 jobs and still helps out around the house amd with the kids. I mean, after all, he did help make them. I truly hope this get better for you.

SAHMs how much does your husband help?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey