I have no posted in a very long time. Some may remember the post I used to make about my brother some years ago. He ended up dated an ex boyfriend of mine who got me pregnant in high school and said he wanted me to get an abortion, so I did and regretted it for years. My brother had no idea I dated him because he and my brother would talk on and off and he was in a mental hospital around that time for a suicide attempt. Even when my brother found out he didn't break up with him because my brother and I don't get along because of the things I've done and said to him over the years. I was upset and if anyone read my past post you know I did and said some very messed up things I wish I didn't. My brother had completely cut me off again because at my dad's birthday my ex mentioned wanting children with my brother and I mocked his chile molestation that I knew about and ruined my dad's birthday and embarrassed my husband. That was the last time me and my brother were ever in a room together. My husband is now my ex husband. He had taken my kids and left because I started treated the kids badly. In my few years in therapy I learned I have a lot of narcissistic tendencies and I tend to see situations differently than people are completely makeup how situations happened. I learned I don't do this intentionally. I truly do believe things happened a certain way. I realized how things went with my ex weren't exactly how I remembered them and I had a bigger part to play in how things ended than I remember. I also have learned that for some reason I have an unhealthy obsession with my brother and wanting to hurt him. Still haven't gotten to the bottom of that yet and I have a huge victim complex. I've started making amends. My ex husband has a girlfriend now.... My kids love her and call her mom.... I've apologized to my kids and am starting a new with them. I've apologized to my parents. I'm learning to be better. But I'm wondering if I should apologize to the person I've hurt the most.... My brother. I still don't understand why I wanted to hurt him all the time... Him and my ex boyfriend are married now and have adopted two kids. The reason idk if I should apologize is because the last conversation me and my brother ever had is him telling me every single time I've ever apologized to him I have shown him I don't mean it and to leave him alone. I'm wondering if apologizing would just open old wounds and if I should just leave him alone while he lives his life.