Hi all!

In February 2022, I had discovered that my fiance at the time had been unfaithful. By pure accident I had seen a Twitter notification on his phone and at the time we shared an account and I didn’t recognize the name so I opened it. When I opened it I found out he had a secret Twitter with over 10k followers with content containing porn, especially gay porn. In his bio he also had a Snapchat username that I didn’t recognize. When I confronted him about this he said it wasn’t his account and that the Snapchat account wasn’t real and just a “fake” name he would give out to not have to engage with people that messaged him. He even went as far as to promise on his dead dad that it wasn’t his even though his father had just died a few months prior in September of 2019. After demanding the truth he finally admitted that it was an account that was “given” to him, including the Snapchat. He finally gave me the login to that Snapchat and it was full of messages between him and men sharing dick pics and videos. It was content I took of him or that he sent to me. He had opened up in 2018 about his bisexuality and I tried so hard to accept and support this. I helped him in the bedroom and even joked about guys his type. So many things that I was uncomfortable with but I loved him so much it all didn’t matter. We also had just welcomed our daughter in November 2020. When I looked at the dates of the message it went as far back as 2018. The hardest part I’m having in forgiving is that he did this throughout my pregnancy and even after my daughter was born. His interest in spending time or learning about pregnancy was not there. When I would ask to spend time because it wouldn’t be just the two of us for much longer, he would say he wanted time to do things he wanted before he couldn’t ie; play games all day when he wasn’t working. During my pregnancy, I had never felt so in love with him. Our daughter was 100% planned after a miscarriage in December prior and one of the dates that I found he had began to Snapchat again was the very day we confirmed my pregnancy with an ultrasound. Stupid detail but for gods sake we took VITAMINS to try and make sure we did everything we could to have a healthy pregnancy while TTC. We had no idea but it was the only appointment he could ever come to due to Covid. This is the part where I feel so incredibly dumb all the time. I found out about all of this on February 7th and somehow by February 24th we were married. When we first started dating I had cheated and it is something that I was completely honest about and took full accountability for. When I found out about him, I told myself, he forgave me all those years ago so I should do the same for him especially now because we have a daughter and family that we built. I wanted so badly for our daughter to have a healthy home with parents together as I didn’t. After our elopement, everything felt like it was falling into place. We got our own rented house, new car, new jobs. I thought it was all meant to be a new start for us. Fast forward to October of last year and I started to really realize the damage that had been done. It was brought up by how much he constantly micro-lied, didn’t want to give his time to us and just plain meanness he was giving. I adapted so much to love him the way he wanted. I took on all of his hobbies and interests, so much so that I realized I had none of my own. All of this led to me leaving him in February 2024 and I even dated someone else. That man loved me and showed me love in the way I begged my husband to. But he had flaws and faults that was just not aligned with me including the fact that he has 2 kids from 2 baby mamas and not much going on for himself. No money, no job, shared house, minimal responsibility. But he gave me all of the things I yearned for in my marriage. I recently decided to leave him and am trying to see if it’s possible to make my marriage work again mainly for the sake of our daughter. He’s not necessarily a bad man and he’s a really great father but when it comes to us personally, it’s something I’m absolutely struggling with. He had turned into a gay best friend/roommate for me where there’s no passion or trust.

All of this to say, is it worth trying? Or am I being delusional lol.