So I started developing feeling for this guy. I really thought he was timid w/ opening up. We hung out messed around I shared my feeling when I thought things were getting a bit more serious. He didn’t say much but we still hung out etc. I began to feel maybe he didnt feel the same and was going to speak with him on it as I had put some distance between us and things were confusing to me. I wanted someone who was in or out.

Well I found out I we were pregnant and let him know that over my feeling. Months into the pregnancy I found out he had been wanting to be w/ someone else. I feel stupid bc I had these hopeful feels and was giving him the benefit of the doubt meanwhile I was just convince/ placeholder/fun🤷🏽‍♀️.

He has been supportive during the pregnancy, but I honestly feel betrayed, lost and hurt. I would have never opened to vulnerability as it took me years to heal from a long term relationship. I saw something in him and wanted to give him time but I was blind. I feel so stupid and just don’t want to care anymore. I cant just cut him off to heal bc of the baby. He is still hot and cold and its really getting to me emotionally at this point.

I already have kids and while they are happy for the baby our lives are about to take a major shift and I pray they dont hate me for it. I blame myself, I blame him for not being open w/ me. Maybe there would be no baby and no hurt feeling had he just been open back. I still have feeling but I really wish I didnt. I am an emotional wreck rn. I was open to another baby, but obviously someone who saw it with me and I can share a future with. Now I feel like he just pities me.

I am trying to stay strong and swallow the embarrassment but I feel close to exploding some days.