I’m feeling like a horrible mom :(

So I’m 2 months pregnant with my 4th, these past few months my body has gone through a lot. I had an early miscarriage in September and got pregnant right away again. I stopped taking my antidepressants because I felt like that’s the reason I miscarried in the first place. Baby is good, heard heartbeat and saw it on ultrasound but I’m always so tired and in pain and cranky. All I want to do is sleep but I can’t because I have 3 others and I’m trying my best to keep up with them but my body is shutting down on me constantly. I have so much pain in my tailbone, back and right leg that it makes it impossible for me to bend down for long or it gets in the way of a lot of things. My husband works nights and sleeps during the day so I have no help despite him being home. My house is a mess because I can’t clean. I got upset at my 6 year old who’s autistic only because she was hungry and I didn’t have energy to get up and prepare food for her. (I’m a ABA therapist pls don’t give advice on how to handle kids with autism, I know ) I just hate how all these symptoms are making my life so hard like I’m crying in bed because I can’t take care of my kids and my house like I used to. I know I’ll be fine after the baby comes because I’m super active but I hate who I’ve become rn. I can’t even ask for help because my parents are sick (my mom has cancer) and his parents are in another country. I really hope this doesn’t last for much longer . My kids don’t deserve this irritated version of me. I feel so so bad that I can’t even bend down to clean up or bathe them or stand long enough to cook. I’m also high risk with high bp, diabetes and anemia. I wish these pains would go away .