Would you be concerned?!

Hey everyone. I’m posting here because I don’t really have any close friends to discuss this with and I’m needing other opinions please!!! Sorry if it gets long… for some back story, he’s never cheated on me to my knowledge. If you want the cliff notes instead, scroll to the second to last paragraph.

My husband of 12 years is in another state to work for the week. He got off work early yesterday and decided to have some beers around the fireplace at the hotel. He met a woman there (he did tell me that he made a friend) but then didn’t tell me that she was a woman until

I laughingly asked what her name was. I assumed he met a guy. He said “well don’t be mad but her name is Beth*) name changed for privacy*, she and I had religious conversations.” I was okay with it at this point even though I found it a little odd. I was busy with our two young children after that and didn’t think much about it. Then I texted him asking what he was doing the rest of the night and he didn’t answer. I ended up calling him after a while and he was very abrupt with answers, like he was hurrying to get off the phone. I checked his location and he was back at the fire at the hotel. A few hours later he calls to tell the kids goodnight (different time zones) but he didn’t talk long at all. I was then busy getting the kids to bed.

He later text me that he’s going to dinner. I text back to have fun and behave himself (he gets flirty when he’s been drinking) he didn’t respond. Then after an hour and a half, I check his location again and he’s back by the fire after dinner. I text him and he tells me that he’s at the fire. I said oh okay well I’m getting ready for bed, I’m tired. So after a bit he calls me to say goodnight but is now in his room. He again felt like he was rushing the conversation. I purposely asked him if he was going be going back to the fire or going to bed. He said “I’m getting tired so I’ll probably just call it a night” so we ended the call but I felt off about the whole thing. So I checked his location again and sure enough he went back to the fire. I texted him after about half an hour and said I thought you weren’t going back to the fire. He replied back with “I won’t be out long, I thought you were going to bed?”

So I got upset then because he lied about not going to the fire and then thinks it was okay because I was supposed to be sleeping…. So I sent a bunch of texts that he ignored for over an hour. Then he tells me I’m being ridiculous and that he’s headed to bed. About 20 minutes later he calls me. I asked him why he lied about going back to the fire, he claimed he told me that he was going back there for awhile (he definitely did not) so I asked who all was by the fire. He said that there was this guy and he told me about what where he worked and stuff. But he seemed cagey still so I asked okay so was there somebody else? He said “well yeah, there was that woman I met earlier too…. And you are probably gonna get mad but I went to dinner with her too.”

So he went to dinner with a woman he met that day at a hotel, just the two of them. Apparently she had had plans to meet up with a friend but the friend bailed and she asked him if she could tag along with him to dinner. Now my biggest issue is the fact that he had ample opportunity to tell me about this before hand, during or after and did not choose to do so. Instead i basically had to pry it out of him. He says it was platonic and that nothing happened or anything. But apparently earlier in the day she told him that she told him her husband was cheating on her, but they were still together and working it out through counseling. And then during dinner she found out that he was cheating on her again, he says he stopped her right there and said “just putting this out there, but I am not going to be your payback revenge on your husband!” And she apparently said “oh no I didn’t mean that.” And then he tells her that she shouldn’t be putting up with her husband’s bullshit as she is a strong and beautiful woman who doesn’t need to deal with that. He said she is about 15 years his senior and has two children and the only reason she is staying with her husband is because of the kids. But they are over 18…. I don’t know I still feel very queasy about the whole situation and that he lied and didn’t share information upfront. If he would have asked me if I was okay with going to dinner with her, I probably would have been. But he hid everything from me until after the fact. He has apologized profusely and claims that he would never do anything to hurt me. But it feels like he did already…

What would you do in this situation? Am I overreacting by feeling like this is borderline cheating?

In response to comments. I’m not sure where I am obsessively calling and texting him, I tracked his location 3 times. Only once prior to feeling like something was off after talking to him. I text him maybe 4 times before seeing he went back to the fire after making it seem like he was going to sleep.

The reason I tracked the first time is because our kiddos asked to see where daddy is at. They have been missing him. It makes them feel better to see where he’s at. Tomorrow, when he is on his way home, they will be driving me absolutely nuts with, where is he at now? How much longer? 😂 but honestly I think that’s besides the point. He rushed conversations with me and the kids to be able to get back to her, didn’t tell me about going to dinner with another woman and he was alone and drinking with her for 7 hours. So when he would normally be talking to us after work, he chose her.

I do trust him, or did. But I will say that he has become more distant lately. Are you asking why I don’t trust him with this woman? It’s not that. I mean I’ll be honest that I don’t love that he spent so much time with her. But if he would have been upfront with me instead of hiding it, then I would have been okay with it. Since he didn’t, it makes me wonder what he didn’t tell me.