Penetration Hurting *SA

Long story short, I had some messed up men in my life growing up that messed me up in a way that I couldn’t think of doing anything sexual until I was an adult. I’ve recently started using toys, just to get used to certain sensations when I finally get into a relationship. Being a little behind on everything and all. Rose toys are great, but dildos hurt. It’s not like I don’t want to use them, because I really really do. I use enough lube, but they hurt to get in, and they hurt to get back out. It feels like I’m not big enough, which I know isn’t true. Do you think there may some type of mental block that’s making me tighter? I really want to be able to use one and actually enjoy it, and it makes me worried for when I do find a man I like. Anyone go through something similar and have any advice?