Am I reading into it wrong?

Question

I finally expressed to guy friend (we’re not that close) that their “jokes” I find belittling because now 3x times they’ve gone out of their way to make fun of me with the car I drive (2003 Subaru) by saying snarky remarks of having a lesbian car, old beater, poor man vehicle, etc. I can handle jokes and some sarcasm, but I’m tired of it, find it hurtful as I am a bit of a sensitive person. Anyways their response over text was “Okay I apologize it was clearly taken the wrong way”. “Sorry to upset you”. Their first response with the comment “clearly taken the wrong way” doesn’t seem sincere or feels snarky? Am I overthinking?? I never responded back nor know what to say back?

Answer

I mean, I’m not sure why you’re putting this much thought or care into what someone who isn’t even a close friend says about two very common stereotypes of your vehicle. Personally I’d laugh this off an say ‘yep, I’m a lesbian so that obsession you have with me won’t go far’ or ‘yeah it’s old and has no payment, but my bank account is fat so it’s a good exchange’ and move on. Who cares? As far as his ‘apology’ again, who cares? He’s not even a close friend, if he’s not sorry, so? I have a 2018 Subaru with no payment, I’ll drive my cheap, good on gas, great in the snow, safe, lesbian car until the wheels fall off. Everyone else can enjoy their 2024 sports car with 7% interest rates spun off in the first storm. We can compare who looks like the bigger idiot. 🧐

Answer

Sorry to have upset you is kinda an apology...the first one not so much, it's more turning it around on you that youre taking it wrong vs owning their actions. I guess my question is, how good of a friend is he otherwise? Supportive and encouraging? If yes, maybe just move forward and see if he stops with these comments now that he knows it bothers you. My brother has long term guy friends and they rag on each other about stuff like this all the time and then proceed to love each other and be there for each other, I dont get it but it seems to be the humor of some guys. If in general hes not a good friend to you then maybe reconsider the friendship.

Answer

It’s nice that they apologized and didn’t jump on the defensive. You could respond and just say something like ‘apology accepted, please no further snarky comments over my car, thanks’
That way you’re just clarifying that the apology also means you also don’t accept further shitty behavior. Good on you for standing up to him.

Answer

People have opinions. We all do. Is up to us to allow those to affect us and how much.

Answer

To me it sounds like neither were that sincere, and I know over text can be hard to interpret because there’s no tone connected. But the responses seem almost a like “check the box” response and not honest. Like the other commenter said, his first reply does come off like he’s twisting it back on you and that’s not okay. Could be he’s embarrassed too, at least if I was called out for being rude thinking it’s funny and then put in my place I’d be embarrassed a bit, sometimes hearing about yourself stings but oh well.

Am I reading into it wrong?

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